Advice for Online Dating Newbies

You have heard about your friends who met online. You have other people who are doing it. You’ve thought about it yourself but still can’t make up your mind. The usual questions roll through your head:

“What if I look desperate?”

“What if I look like a loser?”

“What if my friends find out?”

“What if I meet someone creepy or, worse, even dangerous?”

“How do I tell people how we met? It’s just not romantic.”

So, probably the biggest reason that you are reluctant to join an online dating site is because you don’t want to look like a loser or look desperate. Similarly, you think that you should be able to meet people offline. Let’s cut to the chase. If you are thinking about joining an online dating site, be honest with yourself. You are desperate. Let’s be clear though, you might be desperate, but that does not equate to being a loser. There is nothing wrong with acknowledging to yourself and to others that you are actively looking for someone. I mean, you probably do it all the time in your personal life and with your friends and family. And, chances are, you probably have friends and family trying to urge you to meet someone or set you up. So, you actually look like a bigger loser for not doing something about it yet always implying or directly stating that you really want to meet someone.

So, how do you get over the hump and go for it? Here are 5 things to help you jump in the game:

1) Be honest with yourself. You really want to meet someone. God even says in the Bible it is not good for man (read: all human beings) to be alone. So, it’s natural! If you haven’t found someone in so-called traditional ways, all the more reason to go for it.

2) Online dating is no longer for geeks and computer nerds. Everyone’s online now. Everyone likes to use the internet. Busy people or people who run in circles where there aren’t many people of their own age or interests have to find a way to meet someone. There are a lot of savvy and attractive people who have profiles on dating sites.

3) It’s not online dating. It’s online introductions. You are not dating this person online. You are seeing if another person piques your interest enough to go on date. You’ll exchange a few emails and then you’ll go out. After a phone conversation or two and a couple of dates, you’ll practically forget where and how you even met.

4) It is romantic! Love is romance. If you find love, and find someone who you make feel special and who makes you feel special, that is romantic. You are looking for love. Any person who seeks love in this day and age is a true romantic. You have notions of finding the right one. There’s nothing more romantic than that. In the movie Pulp Fiction, Vincent asks Jules how Marsellis Wallace and his wife met. Jules responds “I don’t know. However people meet people.” So, who cares what somebody else thinks about the way you met your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. You’re not dating that person anyway. Most people won’t even think about it. You had the goods to keep them once you found them. That’s what counts and that’s what’s romantic.

5) Make the decision to be safe. Until you get to know the other person, meet in public, mutually agreed upon places. Don’t go in their car or have them pick you up at home. Meet in public places until you feel comfortable. If someone is pushing for something else, they are not showing respect for you. Don’t worry about losing the opportunity. If someone really likes you, they’ll be patient.

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