Cat and Mouse

My kitty cat brought me a present today. She even knocked on the window for me to let her in, carrying a dead bird in her mouth. I guess she wanted to pay rent and bring home the bacon – so to speak. I don’t mind the birds so much, as long as she stays outside to eat them, but she also likes to bring in mice. The only problem with that is, she doesn’t always kills them before she brings them in to me.

A couple years ago, before I bought the house I live in now, the kids and I lived in a trashy, junky, run-down trailer. Yes, I was white trailer trash for a couple of years, but hey, I’d paid cash for it and had no rent payment and no utilities. It was a means to an end, and allowed me to save up for the large down payment I had to make on this home I have now – and I really, really like my house now – but I digress, I’ve started rambling again.

The point was – the trailer was on a lot out in the country, not inside the city limits, and for a cat, that is near heaven.

My daughter’s cat’s name is Ema…and she is a mouser.

One night we had the side door open – nice breeze, quiet evening and we were in the bathroom doing girly things – my daughter and I – when I heard a thump and went to look. It was Ema. She had jumped up into the trailer from the side door, and what did she have in her mouth? You guessed it – a tiny brown mouse.

My daughter asked me what it was, and I told her. Well, I guess when Ema heard her voice, she went to get my daughter from the bathroom to show her this prize.

My daughter freaked out! She was going to try to shooo Ema back out the door, mouse in tow. By this time, yours truly is standing up on the chair in the bathroom, laughing at my barefoot daughter, telling her that I hope Ema doesn’t drop it – because I’d hate for the mouse to run across her feet.

That did not help my daughter in the least, so now she is screaming at Ema to get the mouse outside. Ema is looking at her with her head cocked to the side as though she it completely confused as to why my daughter is not proud of her and rubbing her head. That’s when my daughter stomps off to her bedroom – and puts on a pair of boots. Ema is still in the bathroom, wondering why we aren’t acknowleding her wonderful prowess as a ‘huntress of mices’.

I’m still standing on the chair in the bathroom, watching the entire scene, and laughing so hard my stomache aches. The next thing I see, here comes my daughter in her nightgown and a pair of ropers (a type of boot for you unsouthern folk)….she looks quite comical indeed. And what does my daughter do? She picks her cat up by the neck.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, anyone here tell me what a cat does when you pick them up by the neck? Anyone?

Never mind, I’ll tell you myself. They slump, go limp, and their jaw unlocks. Anyone want to guess what happens to a little squirmy mouse that is in the locked jaw of a cat when the jaw of said cat is unlocked?

The mouse went flying – straight into the open top of my daughter’s boot!

You would not believe the calamity that ensued…

First of all, my daughter shrieks. Then Ema goes flying across the room in a fluff of black fur and meows. Then my daughter falls backward against the door to the bathroom, hitting it so hard the the doorknob knocks a hole in the wall behind it. Then my daughter ends up on the floor, sitting on her butt, trying to kick her feet up into the air and get the boots off.

Okay, now, picture it. My daughter, on her back now, feet up in the air – wiggling them – and the mouse down the leg of the boot.

What do you think happened?

No, don’t guess. I’ll tell you. The mouse fell out of the boot and landed right on my daughter’s chest. She is screaming by now, as mouse and teenager lay there eyeballing each other, for just a moment, before my daughter does a near handstand/backflip to get up off the floor (my daughter is a big klutz too, so this is all too funny) and the mouse once again goes flying, while my daughter continues shrieking. She then tries to shooooo the mouse out the open door with a broom – which she eventually does do.

At this point, I can’t even stand on the chair anymore, I’m laughing so hard. So you would have found me sitting on the counter of the sink, holding my sides.

That’s when my daughter grabs her cat, throws her outside, slams the side door, and turns to look at my tear stained face, and says, with a look of disgust, “Thanks for nothing, Mom!” and stomps to her room in her big boots and slams her bedroom door.

Oh, to have had a digital camcorder. I’d have been 10K richer from America’s Funniest Videos – but alas, you never have a camera when you need one.

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