Different Types of Men

Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome. He’s everything you could hope for in a man-aside from the fact that he’s unemployed and still lives with his mama at the age of 30. When you meet, he tells you of his goals in life and the steps he’s taking to achieve them. But several months pass, and he’s still on the exact same step as when you met him, allowing for plenty of time to cuddle-morning, noon, or night-at your convenience, and of course, at your place. Wouldn’t want to disrespect his mama at her place. Never mind that he educates himself by keeping abreast of the discussions circulating the talk show arenas throughout the day. And never mind that you have to provide the transportation, including gas, plus pay your own way-and his-to see the latest movie when he wants to take you on a date. He doesn’t like going out to dinner. That is, until you break off the relationship, and he gets a job in an attempt to win you back. Then he wants to wine and dine you, if you can swing by his mama’s house and pick him upâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Suave and Debonair. He’s a smart dresser in all the latest styles, right down to his haircut. Aside from the fact that he doesn’t have a car or even a bike, he’s just the kind of man you’d like to have escort you around town. Well, actually, he does have a car. An old car, probably inoperable since his dad broke down while taking him to the babysitter. No classic by any stretch of the imagination, it sits on blocks in his mama’s garage on the side where nothing’s been touched for almost a decade. When you meet, he tells you how he keeps up with the latest trends by watching The Fashion Channel on cable-which airs in the middle of the day-hint, hint! He has plenty of time to visit his friends and acquaintances, borrowing money from each to pay the other and have enough left over to buy a new outfit to maintain his trendy lifestyle. Never mind that he doesn’t have fifteen cents to his name. And to pay his latest debt, he borrows a few dollars from youâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Mysterious. He’s a bit older and handsomely so. He has a great job, drives a nice car, and he’s carefree. All fun all the time. Aside from the fact that you don’t have his home phone number or even knows where he lives, he’s just the kind of man you could spend eternity with. That is, if you can pin him down for longer than three or four days at a time and more frequently than every four to six months. When you meet, he tells you to call him at work during the day and his mama’s house in the evening. Even though he doesn’t live there, he’ll get the message, occasionally, maybe. He has plenty of time, on occasion, to spend a few days showing you the time of your life, before driving away into the sunset. Never mind that he takes you to dinner in a strange, out-of-the-way place. And when you ask to put your purse in the trunk of his car, he opens it and starts explaining that the child’s car seat belongs to his sister. Whatever you do, don’t make any concrete plans that include him because, more than likely, he’ll be goneâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Young Businessman. He has a good job and is buying his own home. When you meet, he sees that you have a good job too. And he asks you out on a date. Aside from the fact that he has a crazy ex-wife, and two kids of whom he’s trying to get custody-but she won’t let them go, not because she loves them, but because they’re her controlling force to make his life miserable for not wanting her-he’s the perfect man to build a life with. He has plenty of time for taking you to lunch during working hours and dining you in the evening hours. Never mind that his house is not clean, but he invites you over anyway, extending an invitation to stay for as long as you want. There’s no food in the fridge. So, he offers you a few dollars if you’ll pick up a couple of things from the store on your way over. Then he forgets to give you the money. Pretty soon, he invites you over to clean his house, comb his daughter’s hair, cook a meal, and chip in a few bucks on a billâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Gorgeous. When you meet, everything about him makes you swoon-from his nice hair, neatly groomed goatee, and perfectly built body in nice designer clothing, right down to his manicured nails and articulate speech. Aside from the fact that he can’t stop talking about himself-about what he likes and how he likes it-he’s just the kind of man you’d love to flaunt, making all your girlfriends, and even the girls you don’t know, jealous. He has plenty of time to primp in the mirror at each and every opportunity. He’s unable to compliment you because he’s too busy asking how he looks. To him, he’s not conceited. Apparently, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having lots of confidence in yourself and wanting to look good, at all times! Never mind that he can’t hold a job because he’s always late. No doubt because of taking extra time to make sure he doesn’t have a bad hair day. Just make sure you use the bathroom before your commute home, because he won’t be finished in the mirrorâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Not-Really-My-Type. He’s short, and usually, you date tall guys. When you meet, he’s extremely attentive, catering to your every need and desire. Aside from the fact that he’s insanely jealous, he’s just the kind of man you’d like to have pamper you forever. He enjoys making you comfortable and happy. He’s genuinely glad to see you and interested in hearing about your day. Never mind that when his buddy comes over, and you extend a bit of kindness, he accuses the two of you of speaking in code, planning a rendezvousâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Mr. Loathsome. He looks like a bug you’d like to squash. And he’s always in your face. You go out of your way to avoid meeting him because you’ve seen him staring at you. But somehow, you bump into him in the post office on the one day it’s not crowded. While you’re at the back table sealing envelopes, he’s standing beside you, speaking with a thick tongue and gawking at you through four-inch thick lenses. When you get tired of dropping hints for him to get lost, you turn and cuss him out, feeling bad afterwards. Aside from the fact that he’s practically a genius, and someday, he’ll most likely acquire wealth and power, right now, he’s just a thorn in your side. And the mere sound of his voice makes you want to commit murder: his. Never mind that he’d be your shadow until eternity, through thick and thin, right by your side, smiling, crooked teeth and allâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

Enter Mr. RightâÂ?¦ He’s good-looking and intelligent. When you meet, he’s funny, caring, and gentle. He says all the right things at all the right times. Aside from the fact that he had a disastrous previous relationship, he’s the kind of man who appreciates you, even for the little things. He’ll buy you flowers and sentimental cards, just because. Never mind that after the wedding, a barrage of snorts, farts, burps, grunts, moans, and groans become commonplace. There’s still no one you look forward to seeing moreâÂ?¦ when you come home from work.

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