Homophobes Wear Pink

I can’t say it appalled me, but when I first noticed the trend of Southern-fried straight guys wearing pink, I was definitely a little surprised. It started out small, with rose-colored baseball caps, sneakers trimmed in salmon flesh, and ties dipped in cotton candy machines.

The faded red phenomenon progressed rapidly, however, into a teenage girl’s valentine-inspired wet dream: guys sporting solid bright pink book bags, oversized faded red sweatpants, and ultra-tight rosy polo shirts that contrast so well with the guys’ healthy spray-tan glows. What makes this fad so befuddling to me is that most of the guys who fell into the pink vortex are the same ones who are blatantly homophobic or against the gay community. It all seems very ironic and hypocritical, but that’s the South for you.

By the looks of the new ten-dollar bill I encountered recently, the government felt it would be “cool” to add a splash of bubblegum pink to Hamilton’s bland, faded greenback. The U.S. Mint recruited some teenage girl (an internet girlfriend of one of the cabinet members), gave her a pink glitter-pen, and told her to give it a queer eye. All praise this selfless nymph: she took ten precious minutes from her career as a juvenile delinquent to give the world’s most democratically homophobic nations another flavor of hypocrisy.