Married life for an over-the-road semi truck driver is often full of challenges and roadblocks. Because a married semi truck driver is required to spend days away from home, there are issues and concerns that often arise. A woman who is married to a truck driver doesn’t have the luxury of having her husband physically available to help with maintaining the household, and more important, he often isn’t available when needed in the most critical times.
Women who are married to semi truck drivers often feel like widows, but their plight is worse in some ways. They feel like widows, and they are obligated to their absent husbands. I call these women “married widows.” Yes, their husbands are alive and well, but they are missing from home most of the time. For some this living arrangement works well, but for others it can bring a host of problems that ultimately ends the marriage.
My husband is a semi truck driver who usually leaves home on Sunday afternoon and comes back from his truck driving job on Friday evening. We are physically together on average only eight days of the month. Depending on where his dispatcher sends him, and his location when he is required to shut down, once in a great while he makes it home during the week. Sometimes he is able to stay an entire night, and other times he is just home long enough for a quick shower and a home cooked meal.
I am very happy I married my truck driving husband, but I realize there are women struggling with the issues and problems associated with being married to an over-the-road truck driver. No, it isn’t always easy, but there are positive points to consider, and there are ways to get over the hurdles and roadblocks.
When my husband and I first began dating, it wasn’t easy saying goodbye knowing that we wouldn’t see each other again for probably several days. I sometimes felt like crying, and sometimes I did, but never in his presence. I didn’t want him to feel like his job was a problem. It was his choice, and I didn’t want to make him feel bad about it. I knew he disliked leaving as much as I hated saying goodbye, but there was no other option. Driving a truck across the highways of America was his job, and he had to go.
I married my truck driving husband knowing full well what life was going to be like with him gone most of the time, and to this day I don’t regret doing so. Leaving him and using his job as an excuse would clearly mean I never really loved him in the first place.
I finally did get used to the weekly ritual of saying goodbye. I no longer feel I’m going to cry, but it’s still sometimes hard to let him go. He always teases me and says, “wait until we’ve been married a few years!” He says I will eventually ask him, “aren’t you going back on the road?” It’s a funny statement, but I don’t see that ever happening. I truly love him, and I’m in it for the long haul.
The Positive Side of Being a Truck Driver’s Wife
Besides the challenges and negative aspects of being married to a semi truck driver, there are also advantages. It’s important to look at these advantages in order to maintain a positive outlook on life. I could sit back and feel sorry for myself, but I choose to look at the positive rather than the negative. This attitude is helpful in all aspects of life. Instead of feeling sorry for oneself, people need to focus on the positive and do what they can to correct the negative.
Although I have kids to raise, it is nice having time to myself. I don’t feel like I need a man in my presence 15 out of 24 hours a day in order to be happy. Most of the time I don’t have to share the television, and I can sleep in the middle of the bed if I so choose. I’m able to do whatever I want most of the time. I have the benefits of marriage without many of the hassles other people face. I don’t live my life as a single woman. I am still obligated to my marriage vows, but I am basically independent. My activities don’t have to rotate around my husband.
People who are truly in love with their truck driving boyfriend or husband will keep the initial euphoric feelings of new love longer than those who see their significant other on a daily basis. The proverbial butterflies do fade with time, but after not being together for days on end, those feelings come back over and over. There isn’t the chance to get overly used to one another.
Planning Time Together
In order to stay centered and positive about the situation, I concentrate on what I will accomplish during the week ahead. I focus on what I can do to improve our lives and make the upcoming weekend special. I try to make sure my husband and I have something to look forward to when he’s home for the weekend. If you think about it, that’s where true happiness in life comes from anyway. Life keeps moving forward, so we all must have something enjoyable planned for the future in order to be happy in the present.
I have a total of four kids from two previous marriages. Two of the kids are 16 and 18 years of age, and the other two are ages three and 10. My two youngest kids visit their father every other weekend. The other two kids have jobs, and pretty much come and go as they please. My husband also has two kids from two previous marriages. His kids don’t live in our home, and his youngest visits every other weekend. We make sure the weekends without the kids correspond so we have time alone. That time is valuable, and without it serious issues would probably arise.
We don’t now, nor will we ever, have kids of our own, so sometimes the defensive “my kids, your kids” syndrome strikes. If you don’t have kids from a previous marriage, you might not understand what this means, but if you do, chances are you know exactly what I’m referring to. Being the wife of a truck driver and dealing with the issues of stepchildren is trying to say the least.
If you are fortunate enough to be married to the father of your kids, you still need to plan time to be alone together. Hire a babysitter every other weekend so you can get out of the house and do something special, and try to devote every other weekend to being together as a family.
Before the invention of the cell phone, truck drivers had to use pay phones, and calling home was often very expensive. Before long, calling cards were invented. Calling cards made phone calls to home considerably less expensive, but calling still wasn’t convenient. The invention of the cell phone was a godsend for truck drivers, and now, having a cell phone is a must for a truck driver and his family. With certain calling plans, families can talk for unlimited lengths of time. If I have a problem or concern, my truck driving husband is only a phone call away. He can’t physically help of course, but he does what he can to solve problems and offer advice.