Is There Really $12.25 Million Dollars Worth of Fuel in the Rocket’s Tank?

“Houston, we have a problem.”

I don’t know what’s worse; the Astros giving Roger Clemens more than four million dollars a month or the fact that I just used that stupid Apollo 13 quote for the introduction of this article.

To no one’s surprise, Roger Clemens inked a deal with the team he has played for the past two season; his hometown team, the Houston Astros. And if you ask me, the whole thing reeks. Roger Clemens is the perfect example of the pampered athlete who, while extremely talented, has been put on a pedestal above his teammates, his team and the game. \

The Roger Clemens Rehab Tour 2006 kicks off this week in Corpus Christi, Texas when Clemens joins his son Koby on the Lexington Legends, the single A affiliate of the Houston Astros. Maybe I’m just stupid (and a case can be made for such) but why the hell didn’t Clemens start the season with Astros.

Was I dreaming? Didn’t I see Roger Clemens pitch (and pitch fairly well) for Team USA in the World Baseball Classic during spring training. I realize Clemens is 43 years old and, by most accounts, pretty much a conceded asshole. But this move is pretty fucking harsh, even for the Rocket. I mean, why did he wait? If this is really all about winning, why the hell wasn’t he pitching in April and May? If Roger Clemens pitches a no-hitter on the last day of the season and the Astros still miss the playoffs by a game, what fucking difference does it make? You can’t get back these games early in the season; and if you don’t think these games are going to count in the National League this year, you’re kidding yourself.

The Mets are better. The Phillies are better. And the entire National League West is better. Last time I checked, the Houston Astros were a .500 ball club in third base, behind the perennial NL Central champion St. Louis Cardinals by 7.5 games.

I’m calling it right now: the Houston Astros are not making the playoffs. They won’t catch the Cardinals in their division and the wild card team is most likely coming out of the East (either the Mets, Braves or Phillies).

So, I hope everyone cheers old Roger Clemens when he finally rejoins the Houston Astros (The Roger Clemens Rehab Tour 2006 should wind down sometime before the Fourth of July). I hope all you Texans give him a big round of applause because he earned it. He earned it all right; if everything goes according to plan The Rocket will be earning a little less than one million dollars per start.

Even a seven time Cy Young winner ain’t worth that much.

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