PIZZA INDUSTRY ROCKED by PLANETARY CHANGES

Today, spokesmen for the National Fatty Fried Foods Association [a loosely knit collection of independent fast food retailers] and LTEC, ‘Let Them Eat Cake’ [a group claiming to represent pastry makers] claimed credit for getting the planet Pluto reassigned to the classification of ‘dwarf’ planet. The spokesperson claimed the pizza industry had enjoyed years of unrestricted free advertising to the nations children in classrooms of the country’s public education system. From a level as early as pre-school, children are taught to learn the planetary order by utilizing the mnemonic Phrase “My Very Educated Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas.” Said Mark Miwords, “All we’ve done is create a level playing field in the free market system.” “No longer will children ask for pizza as their first fast food!” Stock market analysts contacted for this report professed no knowledge of these groups. Industry leaders Domino’s, Little Caesar’s, Pizza Hut, etc. aren’t expected to feel any effects of this planetary realignment. No significant change in stock market ticker information that can back up their claims has developed.

In related developments someone claiming to be with the LPA, the Little People of America, a non-profit organization that provides support and information to people of short stature and their families denied any relation with the International Astronomical Union [IAU]. The person said, “Reports of Pluto being reclassified a ‘dwarf’ planet doesn’t reflect on our appreciation of the solar system and our place in it.” When contacted about this piece the IAU asked us to “go away”.

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