Where is the Self-Respect?

June 1, 2006 I was at Starbucks on Christopher Street and 7th Avenue in the West Village on Monday. I was packing up to leave when I noticed an attractive young, and I am assume gay, black dude walk in. My eyes immediately went to his large bubble butt as he walked by. Instead of being interested in this sight as I normally am, I was mortified by the display. The best thing about what I am about to describe to you is that it inspired this essay you are reading and presumably going to read in its entirety.

He was wearing some sort a tight gray jumpsuit and jeans that only went up to just underneath the bottom of his ass. Clearly, he was trying to show off the goods. Not so clearly (to anyone not paying any attention) was his obvious attempt to be noticed as he walked through the store three times before sitting down and then getting back up to “go to the bathroom”. On one hand, you could say that his walking advertisement was quite effective as I not only noticed him, but remembered him. On the other hand, what I saw was a young man looking for love, affection, acceptance or just sex. That aside, all I could muster for the guy was disgust and sympathy. It would seem to me that all he thinks he has to offer is a beautiful, gelatinish, bubble butt to whoever is interested.

As I write this I wonder what someone may have said to him in life to cause him to think his only way into someone’s heart is through his ass. I refuse to portray him as a victim in this scenario. I believe that no matter what may be said or done in our lives, we have all been equipped with an underlying self-respect. This pool of self-respect prevents us from killing ourselves the first time someone makes fun of our hair, the way we walk, the way we talk or the way we look. Teasing and rejection slowly drain this pool of self-respect. Once this pool is emptied, then you see people such as this young man parading what he thinks are his best qualities through this West Village Starbucks. Granted, if you want to be seen and get a little action, this is not a bad place to be. But where is this young man’s self-respect? Does he have any at all? Does he always carry himself in this manner? Is this an act? Was he doing research for a movie role? I don’t know. All I saw was a young man who didn’t seem to love himself enough to pull up his pants and cover his ass. All I saw was a young man who was so lonely and desperate for attention that he didn’t realize that what he is going to draw is sympathy and the occasional vulture looking to take full advantage. Maybe he wants that. Even being taken advantage of is a form of attention.

He isn’t alone. I see a lack of self-respect each time a woman can’t contain her breasts in her tube top. I see a lack of self-respect when a woman’s attire can’t contain the ampleness of her thighs, stomach and rear end. I see a lack of self-respect when young black man’s pants are lower than the said young man above in an attempt to “be down” rather than “be themselves”. I see a lack of self-respect when our young gay men feel the need to highlight their hair, snap, sashay as if on a runway and “hey boo” the world as a means of “being who they really are”. I see a lack of self-respect each time I see an online profile with a picture of a penis or an ass that you want to show off. To those who would tease, ridicule or reject anyone without finding out who they really are or could be, your lack of respect for them shows a lack of respect for yourself as well.

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