Facebook Mathematics: How Long Before You Post?

Facebook is the perfect place to update everyone on your life’s events with a few words and a quick click. Why would something so simple be worth writing about? The faux pas come in because many people do not know how long they should wait until posting certain things. Below I have developed a formula so you can know just how long you should wait until letting everyone know about your exaggerated life.

Hospital Visit

Many people like to tag themselves in a Facebook status whenever they are sent to the hospital in pain. Somehow they are in such dire need of help from doctors, yet still capable of thinking how important it is to let the world know they are more likely to contract MRSA from a sick patient sitting across from them.

How long should you wait before letting your Facebook friends know you have gone to the hospital? Excluding pregnancies where everyone has been anticipating the event for months, you should probably wait until you are back home.

The Math: Pain Level 1-10 x Hours Spent – How Needy You Are For Sympathy = When You Post

Break-Up

Break-ups are hard for many reasons and Facebook is a major one. Changing your relationship status from “In A Relationship” to “Single” can be tough. People will get nosy and ask questions, of course. The problem here is that some people want the world to know they are now available before their ex has even finished cleaning up his clothes from the street you dumped out.

How long should you wait before letting your Facebook friends know you have broken up with someone? You should wait until you are actually sure the relationship is over and not just a fight that has gone too far. Imagine the egg on your face the next day when you have to change it back.

The Math: How Many Months You Were Dating / How Many Different Swear Words You Said When You Were Broken Up With + How Many Days You Think It Will Take You To Find Someone New = When You Post

Death

Everyone grieves differently and this is sometimes hard to accept. While some may want the world to know they lost someone close to them, others will want to suffer in private. Death announcements though can be a little invasive on Facebook. Mentioning that someone died publicly is a quick way to let everyone know they better let you get away with anything you want for the foreseeable future.

How long should you wait before letting your Facebook friends know someone has died? You should wait until you have finished crying. Really, is Facebook what you think about when losing a loved one?

The Math: How Many Hours Ago They Died – How Close They Were To You 1-10 x How Much You Think Ruining Everyone’s Days With A Public Death Announcement Will Make You Feel Better = When You Post

Other Unexpected Life Tragedy/Dangerous Moment

Death is not the only time when life gives you lemons without the right skills to make lemonade. Other unexpected life tragedies and dangerous moments are always on their way. Car accidents, robberies, and anything else that could fall into this category often get talked about on Facebook, mostly for the purpose of like any of these, getting a whole lot of people to offer virtual hugs.

How long should you wait before letting your Facebook friends know you experienced a tragedy or dangerous moment? You should wait until everything has been figured out and you are in a position where anything you say cannot be misconstrued or used against you. In instances of criminal cases, be careful what you say because it could end up letting someone get away with a crime if you say the wrong thing, so really it’s best to keep your comments private because it probably does not matter anyway.

The Math: The Danger Level 1-10 + How Scared You Still Are An Hour Later + How Much You Think People Actually Care 1-10 / Your Age = When You Post

Happy Moment

Not all inappropriately timed life events that people post on Facebook are negative. People post about plenty of ill-timed happy moments. Oddly enough, the same people who post bragging statuses are the same ones who complain the rest of the time. Sharing happiness with others is wonderful, but you should always think about the line and whether or not your joy could be perceived as needless bragging.

How long should you wait until you post about a happy moment? You should post right away because if you are someone who uses Facebook to feel good about yourself, you are also probably someone who uses it to make everyone else feel bad. Get your happy moment out of the way as quickly as possible because even though you are annoying everyone, at least you are being a little positive.

The Math: How Great the Achievement is 1-10 x How Lonely You Are 1-100 – How Many People You Want to be Jealous = When You Post

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