It is disturbing to see in today’s society the fighting that goes on when parents separate. 5 out of 10 children will be born to parents who are not married. 6 out of 10 married couples will divorce before the children are 18 years old. With these alarming statistics it is not hard to see why children are growing up in single parent homes.
Fighting the Lies
I would love to say that when the parents are no longer co-parenting in the sane home they are at least working together for the children’s sakeÃ¢Â?Â¦but that is simply not true. More often than not, the vindictive and manipulative sides of mothers step over the line for their own vain purposes.
As of the moment when the parents part company nasty little lies begin to surface. The most common against fathers today are the following phrases: “He was abusive to me, I’m afraid for my child”, “He is a dead beat dad, and our children would be better off without him”, and “He hardly helped when we were together, he wouldn’t know anything about raising the children”. Believe it or not this is enough to grant them full custody in most cases.
Fighting these lies is only the first step in obtaining your father’s rights and holding onto them for both the sake of your child and your sanity.
Protecting Your Child
Now, although words are not physically abusive these manipulative fabrications can often lead to severe mental and emotional abuse. When the children hear this harshness against their parent they tend to become scared, worried and confused. Whether it is a part of the sadistic game or not, remains to be seen. This disgusting display of parenting happens every day, and as long judges continue to buy into the deceit spewed from the mouths of vindictive mothers this trend will become even more popular as the years go by.
The truth of the matter is this, that both parents should spend EQUAL time with the children as it took both mother AND father to give them life. But vanity, the desire to be ‘better’ than the other parent, has consumed most mothers today. Not to mention the sheer greed of keeping for herself what the father so desperately desires, which is the love of his children.
I am not by any means stating that mothers are all bad, I am one. But I am saying that I have seen too many times the harsh reality of separated and divorced couples who have become so wrapped up in the ‘hate game’ – – and it usually begins with the moms lying so that they can always have control over the father’s life.
Our society is beginning to expect dysfunctional families and our judicial system is facilitating this movement. So, how do you protect yourself and your child? Well, I will show you in this article, A Guide to Securing Custody of Your Children
Father’s Rights Tip #1
First and foremost, if you are going to start this fight for your rights you must want to fight for the right reasons. The only right reason is for the sake of your child. This will most likely be a very long and hard road but it is one the judges will be watching intently. You must be willing to be actively involved with your child for the rest of their life. Not just to earn a quick victory so you can act just a devious as the mom. So that would be the first rule, there is NO giving up.
Father’s Rights Tip #2
So, now that you have deiced that you want to purse your rights for the stability of your child and realize the commitment that it takes, it is now time to contact father’s rights advocates.
Father’s rights advocates are scattered across the globe in the forms of many organizations. The first you need to contact is a hard hitting attorney specializing in father’s rights with many years in family law practice. See the resources for links to the organizations you will need to contact.
Father’s Rights Tip #3
If you are fighting “lies” then you will be at one point or another called to prove that they are in fact lies. For example, if the mother states that you are abusive, you must have a clean record for the courts to check. If you do have a violent record for domestic abuse, or any other misdemeanor or felonies, this struggle will become a lot harder.
The most important factor when trying to prove that you are not a “vicious monster” is to remember to keep your cool! You can not become “hot headed”, you must show the courts that there is nothing that will make you angry to the point of becoming violent. This is especially hard for most men, and why wouldn’t it be? You are only being attacked, slandered, and terrorized with your own children as the weapon.
Father’s Rights Tip #4
It is a little proven fact that children who do not have their fathers consistently in their lives develop some strong mental and emotional disorders that can lead to mental disorders and insecurities. Now, while it does seem a steep price to pay it is becoming more and more tolerated by family courts.
There are certain things you can do to help you with the following:
1) Maintaining a good stand with your judge
2) Helping your attorney make a good case
3) Being prepared for whatever trials lay ahead for you
First, you need to keep a journal. Every time you see your children record any and all negative remarks against you that they hear from their mother. Secondly, keep track of every account in your court orders for example: If your court order states that your children are to be dropped off at a certain time make sure that they are, and if they are not, be sure to write it down in detail (i.e. You drop the kids off at the right time but she fails to do so, keep track of every visit.). Another example would be if you’re paying for childcare make sure that the children are actually going to childcare. And that you’re informed of any major decisions the mother arranges for your child.
If anything changes be sure to set a court date immediately. By changes I mean for instance if one or the other of you moves see to it that the courts are aware so that your custody and visitations are not impacted. Do not fall for your ‘ex’ telling you that there is no need to seek a new order when she moves, as this can potentially damage the length of your parenting time.
Monitor your child’s actions and reactions. By monitoring you will need to maintain in your journal fluctuations in your child’s behavioral patterns. Extreme difference in their normal behavior can be a sign of abuse and will need to be addressed properly. You will also need to monitor, without interfering, with relationships that are constantly present in your child’s environment. Such as, when mom has another relationship children often become a threat or a tool in which to feel superior. Although you do not have the right to tell your ex who she can or can not become romantic with you can make sure that your child is not impacted in a negative way. For example, if your ex is dating and “playing the field” chances are they are temporary relationships, and your child should not become attached. So, if your son or daughter approaches you and beings to call their mom’s boyfriend a “step father” or “father” then this can become a problem. On a mental stand point, if your child becomes too attached to the point where they are calling the boyfriend “father” or think of this person as an alternate father figure; When the boyfriend is no longer in the picture your child will develop a dangerous complex. Insecurities of the emotionally sort will start to surface as he/she sees the male figures “abandoning” them. At this point they will see their mother go through sadness, anger, among many other emotions and the negativity will begin to spread. They will naturally assume that all men/father figures will eventually leave and interrupt their home life.
This also pertains to you and your relationships, these issues can pose a serious potential problem; which is why boyfriends and girlfriends should be left for times when the child is with the other parent. This is a valid issue to bring up in court and have stipulated in any court order. It will show that your child’s mental and emotionally state are highly important to you, but if you bring this to the courts attention you must be willing to be confined in this area as well.
Stepping up for your child in these areas is especially important when fighting vicious lies against you. Remember that hearings important but seeing is believing. This means simply that no matter what is said about you by the other party, the actual parenting role you portray in and out of court will far out weigh the mere slanderous remarks.
I hope that this article, “Guide to Securing Custody of Your Children”, has helped you make this important and life long decision to be in your child’s life.
*For Your Information
Check out the “Did You Know?” section to the side of this article.
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
– U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes
– Center for Disease Control
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes
– Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
– National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools
70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes
– U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report Sept., 1988
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home
– Fulton County Georgia jail populations & Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992
50% of mothers see no value in the father’s continued contact with his children.
– See “Surviving the Breakup” by Joan Berlin Kelly
Good luck, and remember that you are their parent too and deserve to be treated with the same respect as the mother.