Jealousy is an extremely destructive emotion. This article explores the reasons behind jealous behavior and when it crosses the line into something much more dangerous. While it is perfectly normal to feel a twinge now and then when someone appears to unduly admire our partners, but carried beyond that indicates a problem.
The root cause of jealousy in most cases is low self esteem and insecurity. When you aren’t feeling good about yourself and insecure over your partners feelings, jealousy rears its ugly head. Sadly, this type of behavior can lead a partner into infidelity.
Let’s look at what appears to be a perfectly justifiable reason to become jealous: you are at a party with your spouse. He/she is obviously flirting and acting inappropriately. Hurt and outraged you fight all the way home and into the bedroom.. The issue here isn’t about jealousy. It’s about your partner making a fool of you in front of others. Identifying the core issue allows you to address the behavior and not play into the jealousy game. This is important. There are certain personality types that get off on being provacative. It has nothing to do with wanting anyone else and everything to do with hurting the other party. If this issue isn’t addressed and some boundaries laid out, the marriage won’t survive.
There is another type of jealous behavior that can turn very ugly. Again, it isn’t truly about jealousy, but exerting an obssessive control over the other person. A person with this type of trait, will question their partner over and over again about their daily activities, call and try and “catch” the other in some imagined wrongdoing and often “stalk” them. Dependent personalities are at first very attracted to this person’s overwhelming interest in their lives. They initially feel cared for and loved.
By the time they realize what is really going on, it is too late. Many victims of domestic violence have died at the hands of this type of personality. Or they remain virtual prisoners of their own marriage for years. If you are in a relationship that has this element to it, seek professional counselling, at least for yourself.
Healthy marriages don’t have the need for jealousy or control. Instead, each individual learns to value themselves first, then each other, leaving little reason for possession and control.
Love needs room to breathe and grow. You can’t make someone love you. You can’t control another human being. Marriage is about two people hopefully embarking on a lifetime journey of discovery about themselves and each other. It is about staying with someone you love because you want to, not because you have to.
Self Analysis: How insecure are you in your marriage or relationship?