I have read the last article telling me how we can make the political climate better that I am going to read. I’m fed up with all of the feel-good platitudes and cliches that accompany such dribble. Everybody is well aware that if we wanted it to be better, we could make it so, and yet we refuse. So I present the new rules to live by. Rules that will speed up the cycle of decline and help us do what we apparently want to do anyway.
One good trait to have is the ability to jump to conclusions without the burden of logic or common sense. It also helps to be as judgmental and self-righteous as possible. Don’t bother to get to know anyone different from you. Develop rigid attitudes based on first impressions and personal prejudices. Getting to know people on a personal level and treating them as an individual just slows down the inevitability of our demise and could reverse the trend altogether. As I have already stated, if we were truly interested in doing that, it would have been done by now.
Join a group. Take on the personality of this group. Allow the group to think for you. Try as hard as you can to look, dress, act, walk, talk, and do just like everyone else in the group. All that stuff about your individuality being important is a bunch of hooey. Conformity must always triumph over individuality. Alienate anyone who is not a part of this group. Since they are not in your group, you must conclude that there is probably something wrong with them on a moral, philosophical or psychological level.
Next, you need an agenda. You can kill two birds with one stone by joining a group with a ready-made agenda. Accept this agenda as gospel truth. Become an unbending pain in the neck about it. Let it become the focus of your life. Whenever you study Scriptures, or philosophy, or history, or the news, or whatever, only look for that which backs up your agenda. If you should happen to come across anything that casts a shadow of doubt on your agenda’s infallibility, you can do one of two things. You can either ignore it, or dismiss it as “irrelevant,” “out of context,” and “unrelated.” Don’t be afraid to go ahead and call it an “outright lie” perpetrated by an opposing group as well.
If you meet anyone who doesn’t care as much about your agenda as much as you, tell them they are ignorant. Then proceed to push your agenda under the pretense of giving them the “facts.”. As you do this, make sure you make your opponents look as bad as possible. Be sure to use hot-button words like “crisis,” “threat,” “radical,” “enemy,”and “evil.” It is also very appropriate to use complex, flowery language to make yourself sound ten times more intelligent than you are. Make lots of wild, unfounded accusations and statements. The more outrageous, the better. After all, the bigger the lie, the more likely people are to believe it. You can also promote your agenda and attack all others with statistics. Statistics of any kind will do, regardless of whether or not they are relevant, reliable, or even factual. Tout the moral superiority of your group and yourself frequently. Try as hard as you can to convince those you are trying to win over that by supporting your agenda, they are supporting all that is logical, moral, decent, holy, honorable, and popular. After all, anything popular is morally right. Never forget that. If it happens to be unpopular, convince them that if more people “just had all the facts,” they too would support it. Blame the media for not “getting the word out,” or “censoring.” If you really want to impress people, blame the “establishment” for “suppressing the truth.”
Now that we have covered how to conduct yourself and how to win converts, we will now discuss how to deal with the enemy. For your purposes, an enemy is defined as anyone who disagrees with you, anyone different from you, or anyone who is not interested in becoming a member of or your group. You should accuse them of having an evil agenda, even if they don’t an agenda of any kind. Remember to stay on the offensive. Accuse, accuse, and accuse some more. Accuse them of everything imaginable. From being responsible for the “erosion of morals, decency, and overall quality of life,” to “contributing to the downfall of humanity.” You must also give them a label. “Conservative” and “Liberal” are good labels provided they are accompanied a good prefix. The two best prefixes are “ultra,” and “anti.” The more inflammatory, unfair, and potentially slanderous the label the better. Try out labels like “communist,” “fascist,” “godless,” “fanatic,” “[insert prefix]-phobic”, “[insert slur]-lover,” “racist,” “bigot,” “race-traitor,” “extremist,” and “potential terrorist.”
If your enemy is giving a speech or trying to discuss this issue with you or your group, shout, chant, and drown them out. Somehow, this makes you right and proves them wrong. Don’t get involved in reasoned, intelligent dialogue. Shouting matches and fit-pitching will always make you the better man, or woman.
It is important that you have a slogan. Something that will either sound good as it is chanted or looks snappy printed on a bumper sticker. You must throw this slogan in the face of your enemy at every opportunity. If you write this slogan in a letter to the editor or in an online forum, be sure to use ALL CAPS and bold print, if possible. Try using a lot of exclamation points. It will emphasize your point and make you look determined and fearless. Unnecessary punctuation marks strike fear into the heart of your enemy. If you ask questions, be as vague and unreasonable as you possibly can. Let’s say for example your enemy supports changing A to B. Don’t bother asking them something like, “Why specifically are you wanting to change A to B? ” Stick with stuff like “Are you an idiot?????” and “If we change A to B how long before you’re wanting to change Q to 3.14, destroy freedom and LEGALIZE MURDER?????”
Remember that the enemy must always be aware of your presence. In order to accomplish this, you must alter your wardrobe accordingly. You must wear t-shirts, sweatshirts, jerseys, jackets, caps, jewelry, ponytail holders, and tattoos that advertize your group and if possible, your agenda. This must also extend to your automobile as well. You must have at least part of your bumper and back windshield covered with static stickers, bumper stickers and vanity plates. I’m not sure how, but if your are fully decked out from car to clothes, it will make you right and your enemies wrong. Your enemies will quake with fear and flee before you.
Whatever you do though, make sure that what you are wearing or what you have on your car or what you are saying to the new converts and antagonistic enemies conforms with what everyone else in the group is wearing, and doing, and saying. You must always guard against any individuality seeping its way into your new life. Conformity must always be your goal. As long as you are a part of a group you are safe. If we are to be successful in smashing these notions of individuality, independent thought, rational dialogue, and mutual respect for others, then we must stick together. Conform and obey. Ride the bandwagon that is speeding ever-faster along the downward spiral. Last one the rock bottom is a rotten egg!