College Relationships: Why They Don’t Work?

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So you got your basics off the “off-to-college checklist”, are you sure you have it all?

Just when you think you packed your entire life, there still might be just a little space left in that elephant-like suitcase. You might be forgetting something and no it’s not mom’s homemade cookies! What I am talking about is the nasty feeling of emptiness and hunger inside of you, the feeling of being all alone in a new and strange place the returning college students and faculty call, “A home away from home”.

If you’re a typical history or American literature geek like me who didn’t get out much in high school because your parents expected you to be home by dusk, you probably fantasized of meeting your dream man in college. Maybe in the last century people met their future spouses in college and yes, sometimes, it does happen but nowadays, if you’re hoping for a Romeo and Juliet romance, think again!

Therefore, DO NOT rely on meeting that special someone to keep you company when you are feeling homesick. College life is hard to adjust to as it is. Engaging in relationships on campus is simply setting the clouds on the horizon. College relationships are like wild fire; instead of warming uThis article is a reality check! Times have changed and the truth is: we cannot look at our parents or grandparents and hope for a similar romantic college relationships. I mean of course you can, but you will only be torturing yourself while everyone else around you will be big pimping and enjoying their college years. p your heart, they burn it. I am neither a pessimist nor a feminist; I am none of the things that end with the “-ist.” I am just being real! Everyone knows that new millennium’s college relationships are not serious. They are no longer based on similarities and compatibility, support and understanding. Before, people dated for the purpose of finding someone they may be willing to spend the rest of their life with. Now, a college relationship is like a sport whose purpose is to see how high you can “score” or what guys typically call “practice”. It’s all about the game! College students play more games than the NBA!

Does the term “friends with benefits” sounds familiar? Many females and males between the ages of 18-24, living on campus just want to date or “mess around” with no strings attached. May be not all college students are looking for a one-night stand or “just dating”, but most of the people I’ve bumped into, think this way. Their excuse usually goes something like this: “I do not have enough time to commit” or “I am just trying to focus on my education right now.” I’ve never understood how sex and partying does not take up time but carrying out simple responsibilities does?

Responsibilities that accompany a relationship are probably the biggest excuse for guys especially, to back out of one. However, if you click with someone and are physically attracted to that person, things like a phone call on a regular basis should not be considered a responsibility but something you want to do and look forward to.

One thing they are right about is that having a boyfriend or a girlfriend on-campus may take a toll on your school work. Being that every college student is super busy, every free time they do get, they try to spend it with their significant other. This may result in skipping to read over today’s lecture notes or even class, which is once again hurting more than helping you. And if you do not spend enough time with him/her, complaints about the lack of affection are going to flourish.

I am not saying college relationships are impossible but few of them are healthy. Nevertheless, if the relationship does go wrong, the break-up is even worse. Even if you are upset with your ex and prefer not to see him, you cannot totally avoid him or her since you do happen to go the SAME school as them. You cannot escape neither that individual nor the rumors spread about you. No matter how big your school is, everyone you know and everyone he/she knows, thus your friends and people who you care about, will all know what happened.

On the other hand, there are more serious and mature students, like me, who take relationships genuinely. However, sometimes we may be taking it too far, so far that we are already thinking about marriage and what kind of a father the guy or girl will be. How can I not think about marriage at 20? Growing up in a Eastern-European family, we were always taught three things: education, then marriage and kids. Not to put down my parents’ advice but it’s more like, “No thanks mom and dad! Not now!” I’ve decided that establishing yourself is most important, so you will not have to be dependent on someone else. Because of people who think like I used to, and the people on the other side, who are into simply playing around, there is always a clash between the groups and neither one understands each other. The most important thing is to keep on dating and meeting as many people as possible, but it keep it clean and keep it moving!

Now before I completely turn you in an anti-college dating freak, let me inform you that college relationships may be beneficial and most memorable. Relationships, both continuing and the ones with a bad break-up help you mature and grow as an individual. Through relationships, you can learn how to make better choices and decisions, how to avoid conflicts, and how to read people’s minds and emotions. You also learn more about your self, such as your likes and dislikes, pet peeves, faults, strengths and weaknesses. The advantages of a college romance relates back to the sports metaphor and its concept of “practice”. On a more positive note, the more you “practice” the more you learn about yourself and how to handle relationships. Thus, at times and if done sincerely, practice does make perfect!

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