Communication: One Secret to a Happy Marriage

From the moment your engagement is announced until the end of time, you are likely to hear advice from innumerable sources regarding your marriage. It would seem as though the masses of family and friends and co-workers take equal delight in both scaring you and attempting to help you secure a happy, meaningful relationship. Many statements will be saturated with simple common sense, others dripping with sarcasm.

Ultimately, one thing most people will agree on, regardless of whether they practice it themselves, is that communication is key. Initially, before even considering marriage, I would hope that you and your partner can communicate openly and honestly with each other. Lack of communication can quickly erode any relationship.

You should be able to discuss your past, your plans for the future, your hopes and dreams, your likes and dislikes, your fears, and simple conversation should come easily and flow equally from both sides. If you have this rapport, then you are in possession of one of the key factors in long-lasting compatibility. No one, including yourselves, should expect to carry on an unending whirlwind of conversation, but comfortable conversation can pave the way for comfortable silences and peaceful tranquility.

It is when this tranquility is shattered by a disagreement that communication is most important, for both parties involved. Regardless of what either of you may think, regardless of who is wrong or right, regardless of how mad either of you might be, you must learn to put aside your anger for the moment and focus on the big picture.

It helps to realize that anger is just an emotion of the moment, while love and happiness can be everlasting. But if you let your anger conquer the moment, it can lead to sadness and regret, and festering anger has the potential to explode in the future.

When the anger fades, you will still love each other, as you obviously still love each other dearly even while you are upset or fighting. So it makes sense that you would want to resolve the fight as quickly and efficiently as possible, with positive results. The only way to do this is to effectively communicate what you are feeling.

Tell your spouse why you are angry, but try to avoid being overly critical or flinging insults, and especially sarcasm. Focus solely on the reason for the current argument, avoid bringing up past fights or issues. And make sure to respect each other’s words and feelings. If you take the time to listen to your spouse’s concerns and feelings, and they in turn do the same for you, you will undoubtedly find that you now have a deeper understanding of each other and it will be much easier to reach an amicable conclusion to the spat.

You may still be angry, cooling periods are not unusual, but at least you will both have emerged from the argument effectively unscathed by emotions boiling over into hurtful words, and your ability to actively seek to understand your spouse will help to strengthen your relationship.

Remember always that you love each; neither of you wishes to fight, but disagreements and arguments are inedible. It is how you handles yourselves when an argument arises that can be key in determining the happiness and success of your future together.

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