Dear Justin Timberlake, What Were You Thinking???

Umm, I’m sorry. I appreciate creativity as much as the next person and I don’t want to be nitpicky about someone else’s hard work. I also greatly enjoy myself some Justin Timberlake every now and again. BUT COME ON.

Am I the only one who has absolutely no clue what’s going on in the video for JT’s new single “SexyBack”? If I am the only person without a clue, can someone with a clue please translate from SexyBackese to English for me?

Let me start by saying that I really, really like this song. Once you get past the fact that it sounds like JT is speak-singing through a broken megaphone for the majority of the verses, it’s an uptempo masterpiece. The chorus is hot, the beat – courtesy of hip hop/pop producer extraordinaire Timbaland – is bangin’, and when you hear it in the club you’re guaranteed to burn upwards of 100 calories dancing to it.

Yes I will get my sexy on, thank you very much.

However, my love for the song only led me to have high expectations for the video. And let’s be honest, what I really wanted to see was JT dancing. Because he’s a great dancer, and it’s a dance song, and it only seemed natural.

Instead what I got was some confusing cross between “Mission Impossible,” “The Bourne Identity,” and a visual maze in which Timberlake appears dressed in tight-fitting suits and pseudo-cowboy gear and you’re never quite sure of what’s happening.

Sadly, the closest thing to dancing was some strange hand movements, awkward walking, and JT jumping off a balcony when the room he was fleeing exploded. I’m still trying to figure out why that room exploded.

In trying to understand what JT was thinking, I’ve come up with a plausible explanation for this four minutes of smoke and mirrors.

I think Mr. T was trying to run as far astray of his Mickey Mouse Club/NSYNC roots as possible. The song itself is obviously sexual and JT even dares to *gasp* swear in the unedited version, several times. My guess is he was trying to have a sexier, more sophisticated feel to the video as well, which would account for the gratuitous use of quick cuts, innuendo without clear action and a color scheme that can borders on grayscale.

Still, while I understand his grown and sexy motives, I’d like some semblance of the old JT back. I don’t need to see him with blonde highlights burning up the dance floor in a pair of ripped overalls, but I would appreciate it if he could turn it out for me. Just a little.

I mean come on Justin, I know you have to skulk down a lot of hallways and flee an exploding hotel room, but can’t you squeeze in at leat one dance interlude?

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