Detecting an Abusive Partner

Three years with a tall, dark, and handsome man caused years of consequences. I met him in 2000; I thought he was the perfect guy. Until he began getting in trouble with the law. Nothing major, at first, a few speeding tickets here and thereâÂ?¦then there was the possession of marijuana. I asked him several times to stopâÂ?¦it got to the point where I asked him to choose the drugs or me. He chose the drugs because I made him choose. I still stayed with him. Soon he began calling me names like ‘stupid little girl’ and demanding me to do things instead of asking.

He began making ultimatums if I didn’t do what he wanted me to do. I ended up paying all the bills and paying his truck payments. He began not letting me go to sleep at night until I had sex with him. Joking around, playing, or tickling became hard because he didn’t realize his own strength. He started never coming home at night or even for days at a time. Soon I wanted to move on with someone new, but I was scared to because of what he may do. Three years passed and I was still in the same fearful relationship. Until one day I received a call from a friend of mine who was coming through town to go and visit another friend of ours about an hour north of where I was at.

The minute I told my boyfriend I was leaving for a day or so, he was overcome by rage and made me choose between my friends or him. I chose my friends. This put him over the edge. He began throwing my belongings out of his room and when I tried to stop him, he picked me up and threw me about five feet into a wall. My screams echoed downstairs where his younger brother, his older sister, and his brother-in-law were.

They all came into the room and quickly went after my boyfriend. Ti left him that night as he cried telling me he loved me and he was sorry, but it was too late. I escaped with a lot of bruises, no money, and mistrust for men that took me years to get over. When a male friend would raise his hands to hug me I would flinch because of instincts�of all I knew from years passed, even though deep inside I knew my friend would never hurt me. Soon I had regained my trust in men, but learned a very hard lesson.

To all of the woman out there who have noticed any of these signs or have been going through any of what I have been through and is still putting up with it, please, please, please leave. Go to your friends and or family for support. If the situation is worse than mine, go to the police. I was too scared to go to the police. I never pressed charges even thought my friends and his family believed I should have. Stop the mental, emotional, and physical abuse NOW and create a life for yourself. Find someone who loves you for you and who treats you with respect.

It has been over three years since I left my ex. He’s in the Army trying to fix his ways. I on the other hand, am stronger willed and have been in a relationship for the last five months with the most lovable, respectable, and caring man.

So again, please, help yourself and your future. Stand up for yourself. Respect yourself. Realize that you don’t need a partner that treats you like that. Realize that you can do better. And for the men out there, even though my story was point towards woman, men can be in the same types of situations. Take a stand. Fine the peace and respect you deserve.

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