Friendster, MySpace and Facebook- Oh My!

What’s with all these self promoting, networking websites. Friendster, MySpace and Facebook are the most famous ones; it’s really just another form of masturbation.

Let me tell you what I mean by masturbation.

These sites are so fucking self serving. They offer nothing in terms of progressing society’s mental evolution. In short, they make us stupider.

But with all that said; I fucking love them. I actually love anything that is completely unnecessary and self serving (like full service gas stations). Personally, I use MySpace; but let me give you a rundown on all three websites (because I’m cool like that):


Ah, Friendster, the first of the masturbation sites; but is it the best? No. I know very little about Friendster, other than it functions (exactly?) like MySpace. I visited the site (out of a researcher’s obligation caused by the writing of this article) and found that it looked exactly like MySpace. I once knew a guy who seemed like a homosexual (and acted like a serial killer) who used Friendster. I always asked him how it worked and if anyone could become a member. He kept telling me that the government was going to shut it down soon and that I shouldn’t even waste my time. I’ve never felt so small in my entire life; seriously.


I champion MySpace because, well, I have a MySpace page. I’m not terribly psycho about it (like a lot of people I know). Sometimes I go like three days without checking it. I mostly like to put the strangest music I can find on my page; shit that really freaks people out. This is actually the best feature that MySpace has to offer; I often like to look at people’s profiles just to see what song they have (people with no song aren’t worth knowing). The last three songs I’ve used are Anal Cunt’s “Steroid Guy”, Brian Eno’s “Mellow Shinda Shima” and Sifl and Olly’s “Dude’s House”.

There’s also thing called a MySpace tracker. I’m not a fan of these; it ruins the entire appeal of MySpace. I look at people’s pages because I like the idea that they don’t know I’m doing it. I rarely look at all my ex-girlfriend’s pages anymore out of fear that they have one of these trackers. The MySpace people should outlaw them. I’m serious.


I don’t have much to say about Facebook, other than I fucking hate it. There’s one thing about Facebook that pisses me off (and I’ve only heard about this because I would never use their stupid, greasy website), let me tell you what that one thing is. You can’t view anybody’s profile unless they first accept you as a friend. I say, how would you know you even want to be friends with them if you can’t see their profile first. Facebook seems to be for the spoiled brat faction of online whoring; MySpace is for the people. I represent the people; I’m serious about this.


MySpace. Use MySpace; this is when I thought about giving out my MySpace page, but I’m not a whore like that (actually, I’m really shy); maybe someday.

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