I Can’t Live Without My Pocket Knife
A pocket knife isn’t just some Boy Scout tool to carve wood and earn a merit badge. Sure, you could use it to whittle a little figurine for your girlfriend, or to mark your path in the wilderness, or even to gut a fish after you have caught it. Heck, you could even fend off some woodland creature if your little heart desired. But most people aren’t woodsmen. We all live in the cities or the suburbs and the closest thing to nature we’ve ever encountered is the park down the street.
So what good is a pocket knife to city slickers like us? Glad you asked. The pocket knife is an essential for a lazy forgetful person like myself. Being a college student, I practically live off a diet of ramen and canned goods. So how do I get through these frustrating containers that thwart my attempts to eat without expending much effort at every turn? With a can opener? Hah! Yeah, like I remembered to pack one from home. Luckily for me, I have my trusty pocket knife to bust open that lid and show that aluminum whose boss. In a similar manner, I can exert my authority over the skins and peels of fruit, using my knife to carve away the yucky parts and eat something healthy every once in a while.
Ever get frustrated whenever you try to open up an envelope but it doesn’t come out cleanly? Try as you might, you just can’t seem to keep the tearing straight, and more often than not you end up with a paper cut. And then you end up sucking on your finger in pain, trying to maintain some vestige of manhood while you yell expletives at that cursed envelope. So what do you do? Do you just let that envelope show you up like that? Of course not! You whip out your hardcore knife and you tear that envelope a new one (an opening that is). Then you’re free to triumphantly read your mail, which is probably just going to be bills since nobody really sends letters anymore. But here’s the good part. If you don’t like what you see, slash it up. Go ahead, its fun! And it’s a constructive outlet for stress; better a piece of paper than a person, right?
All jokes aside, I’ve actually had my life saved because of my knife. Last Halloween I was making my way towards the big parade that goes by on 6th Avenue in New York City and as any New Yorker knows, the police have this habit of blocking off side streets. So here I am, cutting through a closed off road since I’m too lazy to walk all the way around the five or six streets that have been closed off and I realize that I’m completely alone in the middle of an empty street. The sounds of music and laughter were suddenly gone and just ahead I see two figures approaching me. They tried to mug me but I was able to pull out my knife, which must have surprised my would-be assailants, giving me the chance to escape.
Just to clarify, I am NOT condoning knife related violence in anyway at all. Due to increased security and all that due to terrorists and September 11th, any likely weapon at all, including knives, have been looked upon with disfavor. So here’s a little warning to all you Rambo wannabes out there. Before you end up being charged with weapons possession, just stop and think. Should I be bringing a knife here? For example, a school or an airport would be a bad place to take a knife; while a hardware store would be okay. A little common sense goes a long way and don’t forget; knives aren’t toys, they’re tools of survival. Just remember the actual uses of knives today; they’re for procuring food, doing handiwork, and of course, looking badass.