Oprah Winfrey is the devil; this is not breaking news or anything. Even people who worship her do so out of a quasi-satanic, ritualistic urge. Basically, Oprah has made a career out of lame stunt after lame stunt (what the fuck was that Legend’s Ball all about).
Oprah Winfrey doesn’t need to exist; if she spontaneously combusted tomorrow, the people of Japan wouldn’t start killing each other (for example). She is not above the cosmos; she is not a celestial warrior. However, if Oprah Winfrey happened to perish; there would be a shitload of motherfucking grief action happening in America.
Frankly, I don’t know why this is. I can’t understand why people even watch her show let alone worship her like they do. She reeks of pretentiousness; she is an egomaniacal construction of the dark lord Satan and she’s pulled her stupidest move yet.
For no good reason whatsoever, Oprah crashed two weddings in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Well, not NO good reason; apparently she taped the weddings for some episode of the Oprah Winfrey Show. I have no idea why Oprah crashing a wedding Tulsa would be considered watch-able TV; but I, apparently, know very little.
As a reward for so rudely interrupting these weddings and ceremoniously taking the focus away from the bride and groom and onto her fat ass, Oprah gave the couples dishes (from Dillard’s). Dishes?
You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. If Oprah ever interrupted my wedding, there’d better be two fucking brand new cars waiting outside (with a year’s supply of gas). Dishes, what the fuck? Its bad enough Oprah Winfrey sees no problem exploiting yokels whenever she feels like it; the least she could is show up with a car.
The Tulsa headline was “Oprahoma”; that was “Oprahoma” (I wrote it twice so it would sink into your loins). So despite my ranting and raving (or in spite of it) it seems like the people of Oklahoma (I mean, Oprahoma) saw nothing wrong with the chubby talk show host’s lame stunt.
What does this prove?
I am a bitter and cynical asshole.
But I still hate Oprah.