Road Trip

Blame it on Oprah. That was how I felt about the road trip which I decided was going to be one of most momentous moments in my life. After all, a little birdie twitted in my ear that Oprah was going to make me ten pounds lighter! Heck, that means sexy! And that she was by giving away the right bra and jeans make anyone look mega-sexier! I Ohhh la la there I was making sure I had enough gas, checking my brakes and being unusually optimistic during a February winter day. Who cares about the snowstorm warning? What was important was I was going to be sexier compliments of Oprah. I desperately needed THAT – aside from a man.

Thus after psyching myself and repeating the mantra ” Today will be a good day, I am happy. No storm can stop me. I will get the audience tickets. I will get the audience tickets. I visualize myself as sexy with the new bra and jeans” I took off.
I did not think of the 300 miles from my place to Chicago because that was extremely negative. I knew I needed to leave the day before the taping though which I did. I drove and didn’t seem to be bothered by a slight blizzard. My first stop was at Peshtigo when my stomach started to growl and I saw a rather inviting but homey sign “Anderson Family Restaurant”. Their side-sign also added that “we serve breakfast at anytime”. Aha, I took that as a good sign. It means that everything in life is flexible, even my body can be sexy then! I mean, where in the world do you find a restaurant that can say they serve breakfast at anytime?

I smiled a lot as I savored the sweet pancakes topped by maple syrup and strawberries. I was happy and content. I could eat, I was going to look sexy anyway, right after Oprah.

When I got back into the car, the radio announced that there were winter storms coming but I figured that there were enough good “signs” now that the storms would fizzle out or maybe decide to move somewhere else, except anywhere near my path. After all, didn’t Oprah always preach that storms can later be rainbows in disguise? Besides, I was already at Green Bay and was suddenly hypnotized to stop at Fleet Farm on Mason Street. I recalled that a few days ago there were “sale ads” I saw, so why not make it totally good day? Oprah also did say one must love yourself enough to take yourself shopping. She didn’t say even in the middle of a winter storm, but I considered the weather conditions another test to my determined spirit!

Thus, I found myself inside Fleet Farm hovering over assorted dog foods, while imagining coming back home sexy to my dear two beagles Max and Lucky. I also admired the window blinds which were on sale then but I thought that despite my interior design expertise, I should not allow myself any distraction. My main goal was Oprah and getting sexy. That was when I thought of resisting furthur temptation by going back to the car.

Outside, I felt that something strange happened. It wasn’t the same and I couldn’t tell what it was until that negative radio reported that storm would be worst and snow heavy in the Fox cities, which in negative terms meant I was in the middle of a snowstorm. Still, I decided to see Oprah, storm or no storm. I took to Zen and rationalized, “All storms pass anyway. ” I chose to be calm. I repeated the mantra ” I am serene” a hundred or so times and it seemed to work.

My short lived serenity however was interrupted by a sudden change in traffic conditions. Cars were fishtailing all over the road, one particularly fishtailed in front of me which made my foot instinctively slambang on my brakes which in turn landed me inr a ditch. I luckily took my mobile phone and called 911. The police arrived and do did the Tow Truck. Wisely, I computed that was just about a one hour plus delay. Oprah. Oprah. Oprah. I just had to see Oprah and get my sexy body!

I kept my wipers going even as I drove on relentlessly. I knew end of the storm would come soon. Driving speeds on the highway were reduced to 35 mph. I managed to get outside of Appleton – out of the storm – and continued my journey to Oprahdom.

If the weather was good, I would have been in Chicago at 2:00 p.m but it was now past 5:30. I drove downtown Chicago to the “loop” and then looked for the Harpo Studios just outside the “loop” at Harpo Studios Address.

I wanted to make sure I knew EXACTLY were it was located since I had to be there early the next morning.

I booked myself at one of the better motels and asked for a 4:30 a.m. wake up call. For some vague reason, room service insisted that I said 5:45 a.m. I decided not to argue but pick up myself fast. I just knew I was going to make it to Oprah. Again, my positive thoughts were interrupted by a police siren, oh no. That was when I saw that I turned the wrong way down a one way street.

I got a ticket, though not yet an audience kind of ticket.

Guess what? I MADE IT! It felt like I had won a Gold Medal in the Olympics or that I managed to reach the peak of Mount Everest. I beheld Oprah in all her positive splendor! I was late for the perfect Jeans and bra giveaway, but, heck, I saw Oprah anyway and I now knew how to purchase the right jeans and bra that will make me sexier and being near Oprah, admittedly, makes one feel sexy. She also smiled at me!

Thus, I decided to get my new body elsewhere – at Michigan Avenue – where I rummaged through all types of jeans keeping in mind Oprah’s tips and imagining a new guy in my life saying. “You are so sexy”. I was so hyped that I seemed “weird” or “an outsider” to the store security. I have no idea to this day why I was stopped from trying on those jeans for suspicion of shoplifting. I thought of getting a lawyer and screamed that they were violating my human rights and I made it perfectly clear to the store manager that I would never allow myself the role of victim or “an oppressed woman”. That scared him, which allowed me to buy my “perfect jeans and bra fit”. How right Oprah was, good jeans does a body shape. I love me. I love me, this sexy new me.

I Finally left Chicago again at 6:00 p.m. I drive peacefully as far as Cabondale on Highway 41 until a stubborn deer jumped out in front of me. The deer smashed my hood, front end including the radiator leaking, front right quarter panel and headlights. Now I was no longer in good spirits but rather needed some “spirits” to calm me.

In short, damage was $4,280 as determined by the Mid County Auto Body.On a tiny positive note, the police were hunks and they did drive me safely home.

It was after a couple of minutes when I recalled I left something – – I couldn’t place IT – – all I knew was that it was important. After drinking a calming cup of chamomile tea, I knew I left my sexy jeans and bra inside the car!

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