Sick Sad Week: The Departed Career of Martin Scorsese & More

Oddly Enough, Wisconsin DOES Have a Law Against Eating French Cheese

You see, this is what happens when society makes fun of guys who wear glasses and attend Star Trek conventions. Instead of holding these kind of guys up as paragons of virility, they are transformed into dead-eyed, sexless geeks that no girl is quite willing to drop her thong for. Nicholas Grunke apparently got so turned on by the sight of an attractive young girl whose story he saw on television that he worked not only himself, but two friends into a frenzy to track her down and have sex with her. There were two problem. One, it’s highly likely he would have had to force the young woman to have sex with him even under the best circumstances. The second problem solved the first, however: she was already dead and buried. Yes, that’s right, three men plotted to dig up the corpse of a young woman whose image they saw on television for the express purpose of having sex with her dead body. But wait, it gets even sicker and much sadder. The judge was forced to throw out charges of attempted sexual assault because Wisconsin has no law against engaging in necrophilia, and since the potential victim was dead there is no legal justification for assault against her.

Yet Another Reason Why Electric Locks Should Be Optional

I’ve never been a big fan of automatic car door locks and windows. I know it takes a superhuman amount of effort to actually manually lock your car or crank your window open, but maybe because I am of a generation that drove in cars before electric locks and windows were available for all but the super-rich, I guess I view things differently. Of course, it could stem from the fact that I live near the water and every time I cross over the Three Mile Bridge I can’t help but wonder what would happen if the car for some reason went over the bridge and down into the water. Would I have the forethought to unlock the car or roll down the windows as I was heading for the water? I figure once I was under water, the electricity would probably fail and I’d have no way of getting out. Such was the case with two elderly women this week when their Cadillac’s battery failed and they couldn’t unlock the car. After spending almost two hours inside the sweltering vehicle, their HELP message was finally spotted and they were rescued. Of course, it turned out that they could have manually unlocked the car all along. It would have been nice for someone to have told them that. The young may look at these two and shake their heads, thinking this is further proof that old people are just stupid. But you’ve got to realize something. Today’s generation are used to wholesale changes in technology at a rapid pace; a computer program made five years ago is considered all but obsolete. These two women were in their 80s. They are the remnants of a generation that saw technology have to become nearly perfect before it was rushed to the marketplace. Contrary to popular belief, that’s not such a bad system.

You Have To Break a Few Eggs To Make a TV Show

Let me ask you a hypoquery: Let’s say you’d never actually watched a particular TV show before, though you had heard about it. Would seeing that show advertised on the shell of an egg make you think, “Wow, this show must be really great! They’re advertising it on an eggshell. I simply must sit down this evening and watch it.”? CBS apparently thinks so. Shortly, when you buy some eggs you will see the slogan “Crack the Case on CBS” on the shell. Remember, now, this is the company that thought of all the journalists who could take over permanently for Dan Rather as the face of CBS News Katie Couric was the best choice. It would seem that CBS cannot tire of having egg on its face.

Martin Scorsese Has a New Movie Coming Out�Why Do I Not Care?

No one was a bigger fan of Martin Scorsese throughout the 80s and early 90s than me. He’s got at least three or four movies on my top twenty-five list of all time faves. Raging Bull has been my favorite movie for over a quarter of a century now. I began seeing commercials for his latest movie The Departed this week. As I watched the trailer, I found myself reaching for the remote to change the channel. I just didn’t care. The Departed just doesn’t look particularly interesting and, well, Mark Wahlberg is in it. What the hell is Mark Wahlberg doing in a Martin Scorsese movie? I remember when Scorsese was in partnership with actors like Robert DeNiro and Harvey Keitel. Now he’s reduced to working with Matt Damon and Mark Wahlberg? And The Departed marks third straight movie with Leonardo DiCaprio. Huh! I suffered through all the scenes in Gangs of New York that Daniel Day Lewis wasn’t in order to justify the price I paid for a movie that featured little else but Daniel Day Lewis’ Oscar-robbed performance.

I skipped The Aviator because, well, why not? Scorsese’s fall from the lofty heights of Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, The King of Comedy, The Last Temptation of Christ and Goodfellas will become the stuff of legend. It’s not quite as precipitous as Robert DeNiro’s own fall which charts quite nicely with Scorsese’s, but it’s close. Who knows, maybe The Departed will turn out to be a return to form. Anything is possible, including Paris Hilton winning an Oscar. My fear is that we may actually see Paris Hilton holding an Academy Award in her hand before we see another film like Mean Streets from Martin Scorsese. It’s incredibly sad to see a master filmmaker’s talent being wasted like this. You know you’re in deep, deep trouble when you have to rely on casting Mark Wahlberg to bring in a few moviegoers.

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