Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Buy ANYTHING at Dairy Queen

I remember as a child, being so excited when I saw that happy red, DQ sign glowing up ahead. Dairy Queen used to be a charming, fun-filled place to grab all your favorite treats. I didn’t eat there very often. But when I was allowed to do so, I savored every bite of whatever edible decadence my mother would allow me to partake in.

So it was quite a huge disappointment to step into a local DQ only to discover that that once magical place has become a filthy, unappealing and inconsiderate franchise. There are several reasons why I will never eat at Dairy Queen again. I only have the energy to list ten of them:

10- The Milkshakes:

Remember when milkshakes were so thick that you had to open the top and scoop out the creamy sweetness with a spoon? Well you no longer have to do that at today’s Dairy Queen. Because the shakes have been shaken so much that they are merely cups of thawing ice cream, with a dash of milk thrown in for good measure. Furthermore, the flavor has lost some of its “luster”. A few sips into my shake, and I felt like I was drinking a large cup of very cold, very sweet Milk of Magnesia.

9- The Burgers:

No longer are the burgers at Dairy Queen comparable to Burger King. Yes, they actually did taste charbroiled at one point in time. That was the beauty of Dairy Queen. You could go there, and feel like you were getting a homemade barbecue grilled burger, followed by your favorite sweet treat. Not so anymore. As a matter of fact, a fairly recent jaunt to a local DQ rewarded me with a burger that tasted very much like a frozen (and then cooked) sausage patty. It was the oddest thing that a burger could taste like a bad breakfast item from McDonald’s. Now they’re advertising something called the Chili Meltdown Grill Burger. Supposedly, this champ of a sandwich packs two meat patties (either Ã?½ lb or Ã?¼ lb, depending on your hunger). The burger is further adorned with a mound of chili, cheese, and onions. I got indigestion just looking at the TV commercial.

8- Cleanliness:

I have such a thing about cleanliness-especially in places where I am either consuming or purchasing food. I have noticed over the years, that less emphasis seems to be on cleanliness of the DQ restaurants. The tables often remain sticky for some time. The floors are filthy; and on one occasion, there was a family of flies hovering around. Attempts at concealing the filth fail, as the sick smell of disinfectant is usually “covering” some other unidentifiable odor.

7- UnSlushy Slushies:

Pardon the pun. But like the milkshakes, the slushies are too slushy. It almost seems that whoever is behind the counter making these things doesn’t comprehend the proper syrup to ice ratio. Slushies that I have received over the past years have either been too icy, and not sweet enough – or so full of the artificial goop that I can barely stand to digest it. I don’t know what kind of classes they are teaching at Dairy Queen University. But some of these employees are lacking their degrees.

6- Ice Cream Cake Robbery:

I had to purchase an ice cream cake for my sister years ago, and I was astonished at the price for the smallest, plainest looking ice cream cake they had. Don’t get me wrong, ice cream cakes aren’t astonishingly expensive. But for the amount you receive, you’d think that one would be able to feed more than (4) children at a birthday party. Dairy Queen should be ashamed.

5- Poor Pitiful Fries:

Ok, so the fries don’t exactly taste like McDonald’s. But Dairy Queen could at least make an attempt to have better french fries. Most often they are too crispy on the outside and too “flaky” on the inside. Moreover they have virtually no flavor. They’re french fries. How can they ruined so effectively?

4- Seafood?….At Dairy Queen…?

Don’t get me wrong. I know that plenty of fast food chains offer a seafood option. And Long John Silvers has been a long-standing fast food restaurant specializing in seafood delights. But for some strange reason, there is something incredibly wrong about seeing fish on the menu at an ice cream parlor. In addition to the fish fillet sandwich, DQ also offers a combo featuring popcorn shrimp. I’m not a fish and chips kind of gal. But if I were, I certainly wouldn’t want my underwater fare served up at the local DQ.

3- Basket Mania:

Let me preface this complaint by saying that I have issues with my food being served in “baskets.” Not that there is anything wrong with the concept, per se. But when I think “basket”, images of Easter, gifts, or dÃ?©cor come to mind – -not meals. Some of DQ’s popular baskets contain hot dogs and chips, or chicken fingers and “Texas” toast. I’m sorry. But little plastic braided tubs of toast and potato chips are not my idea of a solid meal. Save the baskets for weaving classes.

2- Poor Customer Service:

Up there on my list of major pet peeves is poor customer service. While I’m open to the idea that different restaurants yield different experiences, I’m not buying that concept where Dairy Queen is concerned. My most recent ventures to DQ have provided me with nothing but a lackluster attitude toward the chain. The employees seem to be in training for how to run a substandard chain. I suppose that’s one of the classes they offer at “DQ University”, as employees at the restaurant seem completely oblivious to the crap they’re serving.


I’m sure most people who visit Dairy Queen are not going for nutritious reasons. However, in light of the documentary “SuperSize Me”, I must say that I do pay a bit more attention to what goes into my mouth, than what comes out of it. That being said, the nutritional value of the food at DQ is extremely poor. In checking out the caloric make-up of some of DQ’s treats, I was astonished to discover that one large chocolate malt packs exactly 1320 calories. A large chocolate milkshake contains 1140 calories. And since the Ã?½ pound Grill Flamethrower burger boasts a lovely 1180 calories alone, I won’t even begin to contemplate the number attached to the newest chili burger fiasco that DQ is currently advertising. It’s understandable that everything should be done in moderation. There is nothing wrong with having a little edible reward now and again. But people should really think about what kinds of consequences those rewards will have in the long run. For Dairy Queen to be serving food that tastes so horrible, you’d think that at the very least, the restaurant chain would have mercy on our health.

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