The Housebreaking of Monty

Maybe I had a body excretion fetish all along and just didn’t realize it. After all at work I always announce to my office mate – “I have to go pee!” Or “I’ll enter three more invoices and then I have to go pee.” – Or something similar.

My life has changed since I got Monty, my third dachshund. Peeing and pooping have become a battle in my household for all of us. If I’m trying to do either I now have three dogs trying to jump into my lap – so much for privacy. Don’t say close the door! I don’t have a door on my bathroom and if I did have a door then they would go off into my bedroom and pee and poop just to show me. This morning I was eating breakfast and little Monty wanted to be in my lap. He hopped up and down against my leg asking to be picked up. He had just peed and pooped in the litter box like a good puppy, but I didn’t want a puppy in my lap at that moment. Suddenly his jumping stopped and I heard a psssst sound at my feet. I looked at him and he was watching me for my reaction. As usual I did all the wrong things as I screamed “MONTY” – you know where to pee and poop – you just peed and pooped – – bad dog – you are a bad dog, Monty. I swear I saw that little face smile as he went over to his bed and sat down inside.

In the evenings when I’m taking my bath – Kara likes to sit on my $2000 chairs in the living room. I tried not to let her sit there, but I gave up. After all she likes to sit there very much and how often do I have company over anyway. When it is bed time I call her to come upstairs to bed. Before Monty she’d take a detour through the doggie door and out to the dog run to do her thing. Now I run down to get her, but I’m usually too late. She holds in the pee and then she goes in the middle of the kitchen floor. Sometimes I think she and Stretch have a deal going because I can’t figure out how one small dog could pee that much. I’ve actually caught Stretch twice in mid pee. He had his leg up and he was peeing into the exercise pen where Monty was staying to help with his training. Monty had to be bathed and then he peed on me in the sink as I was shampooing him. The other time that I caught Stretch, he peed on the floor in the middle of the living room. Let’s just say that I don’t walk around barefooted anymore. I thought it was Monty that I was trying to train. I figured out if he is confined to the pen with the litter box he will use it about 95% of the time. If the same litter box is in a spot in the kitchen he will use it about 5% of the time. My compromise at the moment is to put the pen up in the kitchen with an opening so he can come and go. The litter box is still in the pen and now we have about a 50% chance of success. Monty is an energy machine with a current nickname of “Devil Dog”. He plays so hard jumping on Kara and biting her and running and hiding that he forgets about bodily functions and will pee when and where he has too. But Monty is only 3 Ã?½ pounds so it is not a big deal to clean up assuming I can find it to clean up.

Maybe I don’t really have a bodily excretion fetish. Maybe this will all pass and soon. I look forward to the day when my house smells again like roses instead of bleach and pee.

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