The Power of Forgiveness:

If you look up the word, Forgive, you will find an explanation that states, “To give up resentment.” How funny that is because when dealing with forgiveness, there is a lot of hurt, negativity and resentment. But there’s a beauty in forgiving a person or a situation that may have occurred. When was the last time that you forgave yourself or someone? How good did it feel to let it go? How bad did it feel to keep it going? There’s a heavy load that you have on your shoulders when you keep the negativity that goes along with not forgiving. It’s like a scab that bleeds and you keep picking at it. The more you pick at it, the worse it gets. Instead of placing a band aid over a heart with forgiving, people simply pick at it until it bleeds again leaving it open as a wound.

Sometimes people do not want to forgive because they don’t want to forget. There’s a price to pay when forgiveness is not apart of the positive interaction between individuals. The blessing will only come when the person’s involved will ease their own load by dealing with the issues that brought the conflict or problem. Being able to be open to dealing with resolving the issue will allow forgiveness to exist. The blessing will come when both parties are able to smile at one another and agree to disagree. Or mend the situation by opening lines of communication that will allow you both to move forward.

TIME OUT
Before you can even begin to deal with forgiving, you need to take stock of your emotions. Be honest with yourself and deal with your emotions before you even try to sit down and talk with the person involved. Sometimes when we fast forward this part of the process, we tend to blow things out of proportion, because we are upset. Our feelings are running on hot adrenaline of pain, hate and frustration. We are not in the frame of mind to really talk to that person honestly because we’re hurt and we are dealing with surface issues that may get in the way. Instead of calling that person or even seeing them eye to eye, it may be better to write a letter, put on your favorite music, and just try to relax. Relax until you feel you can address the issues with them without battling like you are on a battle field or in a ring. Relaxing gives you the opportunity to reflect on the entire situation. It may give you time to find the words to help you address the issue without attacking the other person.

CAN YOU MOVE FORWARD WITHOUT FORGIVING?
I don’t think so. I have had several instances in my life where I was basically stuck in a negative frame of mind. Without forgiveness being apart of the package deal, I was replaying the negativity over and over like a bad movie in my head. Being able to sit down at the mental table with the individual involved, you can find common ground and truly listen to each other. When you listen to each other, you have to have an open heart and mind. Let your soul guide you. Don’t speak. Listen with your soul and allow that person to speak their “peace” and then respond accordingly. Using positive affirmatives can help a lot with this part of the process. Instead of blurting out while they are talking, simply keep your mouth shut and allow them to speak. When you feel it’s time to address your issues with the situation, try to use words that will not be personal to them. Instead of using, “When you said..”, try “I feltâÂ?¦”. Try words that give you ownership of your feelings and not blaming them. When you blame someone, they may tend not to listen at all and they shut down..and may shut you out. When you take ownership of your issues, you can truly be honest about your feelings. When you listen, you open up the lines of communication and that’s when the healing can begin.

HEALING
After you’ve had a chance to talk with the person, you can address, your emotions and your frustrations in a balanced way. The healing will only come when you have had the chance to listen to them, and they have listened to you. Finding some type of neutral ground can help you move on.

BEING HONEST
If you are honest with yourself, you will know that forgiving and forgetting is selective and up to each person. In some cases, it will work. It may not work in other cases. Depends on the other person’s ability to be honest, to be real, to have accountability in the situation. If the person does not have accountability, does not want to apologize, you may have to take the higher road. You may have to decide whether or not you want to keep yourself connected to that individual and if it worth it to pursue keeping them around. If they are not willing to admit their role in the situation, it may be hard for you to move on. Instead of struggling with their ability to forgive, you may have to simply take the road that leads to your ultimate peace and happiness. Honesty is one of the keys to healing that open wound.

WHY FORGIVE?
The simple answer is that you want to be able to give you and that person the ability to have more peace, love and positivity. It gives you the ability to let go of the stress. You can stop the struggling with the emotions and focus on moving on.

THINGS TO REMEMBER:

âÂ?¢You are human and aren’t perfect.
�Forgiving and forgetting do not go hand in hand.
âÂ?¢Find a listening board – a good family or friend.
�Do not keep blaming yourself or the other person.
�Find a lesson in the experience. What are you taking away from the experience?
�Find your loving spirit and use that as a guide.
�The ultimate power of forgiveness is in your hands, so use it.

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