I went out and bought three pairs of ankle socks at Wal-Mart. Of course Wal-Mart brandishes the Starter logo for its men’s clothing products, consisting of a big S coupled with a star. My washing machine ate two pairs of my Starter socks, and that left me with one pair. One pair of Starter socks that I would rather wear than anything else. That’s why I wear them five days a week and wash them on Saturday because by Friday night my Starter socks smell like Heaven. I can’t resist placing them to my nose, and smelling the sweet odor of the sweaty socks coupled with the smell of my sweaty feet. This is bliss. I will never give up my Starter socks, which, by-the-way, are a product line of Nike.
But I’m not interested in high-brow Nike. I’m interested in my low-brow Starter socks. True. Nike created the Starter line and Wal-Mart adopted it, and as I speak Nike is coming out with a Starter running shoe for him and her for just $40, but that shoe was probably made for the pair of Starter socks my washing machine didn’t eat. It’s a lovely pair of socks: white, with a gray bottom from heel to toe, with the Starter logo at the top of the bridge of the foot, and cirulean (This is a word I invented, meaning a spirited circle) elastic around the ankle.
I think the entire world needs a whiff of my Starter socks; they smell absolutely sexy. You can wear them on your hands like gloves and rub them over your nose so you can smell the sensual fragrance of my Starter socks. Starter socks beg the question: Is there such a thing as existence? God Himself dwells upon the sweet aroma of my Starter socks,
and wants to know where He can get a pair. I tell Him – Wal-Mart.
Created in 1971, it’s hard to believe that the Starter brand is just now raising it’s beautiful head. Yes, my Starter socks make my feet feel beautiful. I am a man with beautiful feet. My feet are so beautiful I do not show them to anyone. I keep them covered with my Starter socks, which I believe someday will bring us all to the threshold of peace and prosperity for the entire world. The Wal-Mart Starter Revolution has begun, and so I will wear my Starter socks with pride as if I were wearing the American Flag.