One gray-haired dolphin says to another gray-haired dolphin: “Do you ever get tired of swimming?”
The dolphin says, “No, why?”
The other dolphin stops swishing his fins and says, “Oh, nothing.”
His dolphin friend gets a fishy look in his eye and asks: “No, tell me why you would ask me such a crazy question!”
The gray-haired dolphin blushes and cries out: “One day, I would like to eat a roast beef sandwich!”
First person: Knock knock?
Second person: Who’s there?
First person: Quack! Quack!
Second person: Quack quack who?
First person: I never heard a duck who talked like an owl before.
How do you catch a flying meteor?
One firefly says to another firefly, “I’m brighter than you.” And the firefly says, “Too bad Thomas Edison didn’t give you brains too.”
A clown is making balloon animals at a big birthday party. One boy asks for a balloon that looks like a puppy, and the clown makes a balloon that looks like a puppy. A girl asks for a kitten, and the clown makes a balloon kitten. Another boy asks for a balloon shaped like James Frey, and the clown makes a balloon that looks like James Frey. When he gives the boy the balloon shaped like James Frey, the boy says, “This James Frey has no mouth. I guess that’ll keep him honest.”
A frog hops onto a lily pad and announces, “One day I will be a prince again!”
Then, a beautiful girl kisses him, and he immediately becomes a handsome young man. The young man says: “Croak! Thank you for making me a prince again.”
The girl frowns and says, “I thought kissing you would make me a frog!”
A girl is in a restaurant, and is playing with the ringtones on her cell phone. The first one is the Macarena, and all the waiters in the restaurant start to dance to the Macarena. The next ringtone she tries is the Hokey pokey, and all the children in the restaurant start to the dance the hokey pokey. The third ringtone she tries is the “Blue Danube,” and all the parents begin to dance the waltz. The owner of the restaurant walks up to the young girl, stares at her cell phone, and says to her: “Do you do weddings?”
Girl: What do you call a deflated basketball?
Boy: One big pancake.
Girl: If you eat that first thing in the morning, I’d hate to see what you eat for lunch.
A woman is walking down Rodeo Drive and sees President Bush in a muzzle and Stevie Wonder in his sunglasses. The woman says to Stevie Wonder, “Too bad you’re blind!” Stevie Wonder replies, “See no evil, hear no evil.”
One uptown lady: Where do they send fashion victims?
The other uptown lady: Straight to jail.
Uptown lady: Then where do you think they send criminals?
The other uptown lady: Bloomingdale’s. It straightens everyone right out.