Bathroom Etiquette and Hygiene: Impress Your Wife or Girlfriend

I thought I had it going onâÂ?¦thought I knew what women wantâÂ?¦thought I new how to impress my girlfriend-who-would-eventually-be-my-wife. But I discovered I didn’t know anything. I was off in laa-laa land when I should have had my feet planted a little more firmly on the ground.

We’ve all been there at one time or another: you’ve met the girl of your dreams and you want to make a good impression. So what do you do? Be politeâÂ?¦pick up the tabâÂ?¦open her door. (Actually, those are attributes belong to a different generation. I’m tempted to say that “today’s” woman prefers to be slapped around a bit and occasionally spit on. But I’m not gonna give in that easily).

Nope. I’m convinced that your wife/girlfriend/lover will thank you to her dying days if you maintain a minimum of bathroom etiquette.

Think I’m kidding around? Take this easy test:

1) When you shave in the morning, do you wipe the sink down afterwards so your partner isn’t subjected to a dirty, unattractive ring of hair and stubble?
2) When you urinate, do you stand above the bowl and spray the entire area including the floor – similar to what you do in a crowded bar? And then to make matters worse you leave of the toilet up?
3) When you relieve yourself, do you take an extra minute and scrub down the inside of the bowl to eliminate the residual crap that is sure to remain? Or do you just leave it there and allow it to build up and harden
4) Do you leave hair in the sink full of hair as well leaving reams of hair in your hairbrush?

Notice that nothing I wrote has to do with sexâÂ?¦has nothing to do with the size of your little friend or if you can keep hammering away long after the sun sets and your partner has fallen asleep. My friend, the key to a long-lasting relationship has to do with HYGIENE. If you have answered “yes” to even ONE of these questions, it will come back to haunt you!

I may be bridging new territory for some of you here. When you in the early stages of a relationship you bend over backwards to please your new companion. Don’t be late, say the right things. Use deodorant. But when the relationship upgrades to the “let’s move in together” stage – you are on a whole new level. You’re on notice. Sure, you may have seemed sexy when both of you were rolling around in the back of your Chevy or when you were propped up against the bar in that favorite nightclub of yours, but go ahead and leave the bathroom a mess (doesn’t matter if it’s in your house or hers or the new place you both are renting or purchased) and see how quickly the bloom falls off the ‘ol rose.

The residual affects of poor hygiene in the bathroom (as opposed to personal hygiene) affect virtually every area of your relationship. Suddenly, you’re no longer being referred to as “snuggums” but your attention is being hailed with “Can you keep the damn toilet lid DOWN!” And God forbid, the sad day arrives when the woman you were enjoying so many weekends with starts calling you a slob. At that point it really IS time to clean up your act. No pun intended.

And lest you think that bathroom etiquette is just a “sometime” thing, let me say emphatically that after 20 years of marriage I have learned it’s an “all the time” thing.

There are a lot of other peripheral areas involved here: keep the bathroom window open (if you have one) water the plants, don’t leave dirty laundry lying around, make sure there is always toilet paper on hand. But those pale in comparison to the “top four” I mentioned earlier.

But hey – this is an easy fix. It just takes discipline on your part. Takes mere seconds to lower the lid, wipe it down, scrub away the shit on the inside of the bowl (now you know why there’s an ever-present brush sitting next to the toilet). Wipe down the sink after you shave. It’s a dirty job but your partner will love you for it. What’s that? You’re not too keen on the L-word? O-kâÂ?¦how does this sound – – keep the bathroom clean and don’t make a big deal about it, and your companion will be a lot more receptive to most of the other suggestions you make (like dressing up as Godzilla or whatever). Or if you DO mess up in a big way in some other area, she’ll always remember that despite all the rest of your bad habits – you didn’t tinkle on the floor.

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