How to Ask a Woman Out: Tips for the Ordinary Average Guy

Let me begin by saying that I am a one-woman guy and I am very happy with the one woman that I love. I have been dating her for quite some time now and have never strayed. There really is nothing better than true love. It even beats a good MLT, mutton, lettuce and tomato sandwich, when the mutton is all nice and lean (sorry Miracle Max). So if you are looking for a guide to pick up women with just a one-nighter in mind, this won’t be for you. But if you want some help or tips to potentially meet somebody special, and then how to ask her out, then come aboard.

Women are very easy to meet and usually approachable, whether you think so or not. They are people just like us guys, although they are superior in so many ways. Women generally like talking more than guys so why wouldn’t she want to talk to you? This is a very important step to asking her out. You need to talk to her. Before you can talk to her, though, you need to meet her. Where can this occur? Where can’t it? You can meet women at college (if you are a student), at work, from friends, at a store, at the park, anywhere. Just don’t make it obvious that you are looking to meet somebody. It can make you appear desperate and even pathetic.

Once you have somebody ‘picked out’ that you would like to meet, it’s best to find out if: a) she is available, and b) if the feelings are mutual. This can be done in different ways depending on where you are. The easiest and most obvious is body language. Hers, not yours. If she has her arms crossed, an angry look on her face, or isn’t looking anywhere near you, when you are close by, it may be best to move on. You can proceed, but chances are good that she isn’t interested. The old line that within 1 second of first seeing somebody you have made up your mind whether you will ever consider going out with them (or potentially sleeping with them), is true more often than not. Be honest guys, does it take more time than that for you to know if you want to proceed? Usually not. Women, you know it is true also. People may say that looks don’t matter but they are either lying or only dating for the money.

So, now that you see that she isn’t sending the ‘go away’ signal, look for some inviting signs. The best is a smile. If she smiles at you, she will probably talk to you. Also, if she maintains eye contact with you, big plus. Of course she could just be a friendly person, but most of the time she is at least somewhat interested. Now it is your turn. Return the glance by looking at her. Don’t stare or make a silly, stupid (i.e. macho) face, just casually look her way. And give her a smile. Nothing big and teethy like somebody just said ‘cheese’, just a small subtle smile. You can then turn your attention elsewhere but only for a few seconds. Make sure that you are doing something else, something that isn’t rude (put away the cell phone). Do anything; tie your shoe, admire the scenery, doesn’t matter.

Wait for a moment or two and then look back at her. She what she is doing. If she smiles again, go over and talk to her. Do not, repeat, DO NOT use any pick up lines. These are as pathetic and cheesy as tons of cologne or black socks with sneaks. They will definitely make you look like an ass. No “what’s your sign”, no lines that begin with “what’s a girl like you doing…” and don’t use any lines that contain the words “Heaven, Angel, or God” unless you are in church. If you want to meet a nice woman, one who isn’t out just for a good time tonight, you need to sound sincere.

The best ‘first thing’ to say to a woman is, “Hi”. That’s it. It’s simple. It’s just two little letters. How could you (even you) possibly mess that up? The margin of error is minimal. She will probably return your ‘hi’ with one of her own. From there you just need to strike up a conversation.

When it comes to this conversation, remember the classic rock band KISS, and Keep It Simple Stupid. You don’t want to say too much here. This is where you want to listen, listen to her, don’t just hear what she is saying. There is a big difference between listening and hearing. Take cues off of what she is saying. It’s like a tennis match. She’ll lob to you and you react to that particular shot. Do not spike it (by being rude) and no lobbing it way up in the air so it takes forever to get back to her (meaning – don’t talk about yourself or ramble on and on and on). Keep the conversation flowing smoothly. Small talk but not cliched talk.

If you are outside, it is OK to say “Nice day”, but don’t say something like, “I can’t believe how beautiful this weather is that we’ve been having lately.” That’s too much. If you are inside, let’s say at a bank (she’s the teller) say something like, “Long day?” and wait for her response. She will let you know where the conversation needs to go next. If she is a new classmate at college, one that you haven’t seen before, say things like “What’s goin on?” or “How are you doin?”, just basic collegiate small talk. Don’t ask her what her major is. Not as an opening line. Besides, if you are in class with her, there’s a good chance that hers is the same as yours. Plus, “What’s your major” is kind of like saying “What do you do for a living?”. Not a good thing to ask immediately.

Once you have gotten this far, the rest is easy. Keep the talk brief, in duration; a few minutes will be fine. If she is responsive to you and seems like she is enjoying talking with you, you can now ask her out. There are a few different approaches that you can use. You can do the ‘excuse yourself’ idea. This is where you say something like, “You know, I’m enjoying talking with you but I have to get to (work, class,…) or my (boss, professor) will (fire, flunk) me. Could I call you tonight?” Or you take the questioning out of it and say, “Let me get your number and I’ll call you tonight.” Be specific. If you say, “I’ll call you sometime,” that may send the wrong message to her.

Other ways to ask her out could include, the simple, “Would you like to go out this weekend?”, or “You wanna get a coffee later?” Doesn’t matter if you like coffee, it’s better than asking if she wants to get a beer. Just try one of these ‘ask out’ lines and she’ll almost certainly say yes. Not too hard.

One more thing that you need to keep in mind is the old ‘be yourself’ line. Everybody says that the best way to meet somebody is to be yourself. “Just be yourself and you’ll eventually meet the girl of your dreams”, or “Be yourself, nobody likes a fake.” That kind of talk. You need know that this is not always the case. Often, being yourself could be the very reason why you aren’t meeting anybody. This is not just true where overly macho, arrogant, immature, degrading types of men are concerned. It can be true in regards to your confidence. If you are very shy or quiet, it may not be best to appear shy and quiet around the woman you are interested in. Women love confidence. It is right up there with a good sense of humor. If you are not a confident guy, you need to either learn to be or do your best to fake it. Learning confidence is very hard, it actually can’t be learned. It must be developed. So this is the only occasion where you should be ‘fake’ with the woman you are interested in. She needs to see you as somebody who is sure of himself. Do whatever you need to do to appear confident. Don’t fidget, don’t break eye contact, don’t look down, don’t sound weak with your words. These are bad signs. Plus, if you are like this, it will sound awkward if you ask her out. The confidence issue is something you need to practice and develop on your own.

That’s all there is to it. Follow these simple ideas and you should be able to ask out most anybody. Just remember; confidence, smile, hi, simple, ask out. It works. And if it doesn’t work, get a puppy and walk through campus with it, but just make sure you aren’t wearing your Star Wars t-shirt.

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