John T. Moore – Chemistry for Dummies

My Take

I was hanging out at a sports bar, and someone told the following joke:

“On the inside of a fire hydrant there is H-2-O. What is on the outside? Give up?
Answer: K-9-P.”

I must admit that I didn’t get it. I felt so stupid, but I was vain so I chuckled along with everyone else. Later, I overheard one guy say to another, “Hey! don’t pour salt in the wound!” What the heck was he talking about? I had no clue.

Chemistry for Dummies

Hi, how ya doin’? I’m a book entitled “Chemistry For Dummies,” but you can call me the Unibomber—hehehe! Just kidding. I taught the dummy writing this review everything he knows about chemistry. Before he read me he was pretty pathetic. Let me tell you about myself:

I was written by John T. Moore Ed.D.. He’s an Associate Professor of Chemistry at Stephen F. Austin State University. I think that’s where they built the Six Million Dollar Man. Anyway, I have 362 pages and I set the dummy back about 25 bucks. I was published by Wiley Publishing Inc.

My Take

I found this easy-to-read book at Amazon.com. It really helped me with my chemistry crisis. After reading the book, I now get the joke I heard at the sports bar. You see, on the inside of a fire hydrant there is water–on the outside there is doggy lemonade.

“Don’t pour salt in the wound” means “Don’t transfer sodium chloride to the punctured bio-matter.” I finally understand what that guy at the bar was saying.

Chemistry for Dummies

I wish the dummy would shut his pie hole! This review is about me, after all. I have a yellow and black paperback cover. My introduction tells how I am structured, and makes some basic assumptions about the reader’s level of stupidity.

My Take

I liked the fact that the book assumed that I knew nothing about chemistry. I get tired of hearing jokes and not getting them. It’s humiliating.

Chemistry for Dummies

In Part I I tell readers (like the dummy doing this review) about atoms, matter and energy, atomic structure, the periodic table and nuclear chemistry.

My Take

When I read Part I, I learned that atom wasn’t just a guy who married Eve; matter does really matter and energy is not just a sports drink. Most importantly, I learned that the periodic table is not a fold-up card table.

Chemistry for Dummies

In Part II I talk about ionic and covalent bonds. I also delve into electrochemistry. In Part III I get into the mole and solutions; acids and bases; and the wonderful world of gases.

My Take

In these parts of the book I learned how different substances are combined, how batteries work, how to mix cocktails (alcohol included). I also learned that the mole isn’t just a furry little critter, but the atomic weight of a substance expressed in grams. I learned that LSD is a type of acid, and that drain cleaner is a type of base.

I also learned that there is more to the wonderful world of gases than just cutting the cheese.

Chemistry for Dummies

In Part IV I discuss chemistry in everyday life: organic chemistry, petroleum, polymers, chemistry in the home, air pollution and water pollution.

My Take

Did you know that oil is boiled at different temperatures to extract the many different petroleum products that we use? I pulled that tidbit out at the sports bar. Everyone was impressed! The women hit on me and the men envied me.

Did you know that air and water pollution are really just impurities in the air and water? Whoa! Some woman just gave me the keys to her apartment. She says she wants me to be the father of her children.

Chemistry for Dummies

Part V includes ten serendipitous discoveries in chemistry, ten great chemistry nerds, ten useful chemistry web sites. In the back, you will find appendices and an index for easy reference. However, I am not sure the dummy finds them so easy.

My Take

Oh sure I find them easy. Now that I have read Chemistry For Dummies I am a little smarter, and my popularity and love life certainly have improved. So, AC reader, next time you are on a hot date, you might casually mention that Archimedes was nude and taking a bath when he discovered the principle of volume displacement in water.

Try it. You might get lucky.

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