Lady Macbeth Meets the Bissell Spotbot

Remember your Shakespeare from high school days. Sure you do. Do you remember wondering why in the world you were studying him. Well, In rereading Macbeth recently I realized that William struggled with the same vexing problems that we do today. Albeit, he used fancier words than, for example, this review. That was so we’d have to struggle in our lit classes and give jobs to English teachers.

Take Lady MacBeth and her now famous line, “out, out, damn spot”. (I’ll bet it’s the only line you remember that Bill wrote. I know it is for me). Without that line, ‘out, out, damn spot’ (I just love saying it) quoted by school children of all ages through the ages, we would never realize that we share in common one of the major woes of the 16th (or whatever) Century.

How many times have you asked the question why have those 4 little words achieved such longevity. Out, out damn spot! Why do we all remember those 4 little words and forget what Ben Franklin said at the time of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Right, you don’t remember, do you? Of course not. No relevance to your life. Right? Right!

Why? I ask today. Why did these teachers of Shakespeare not see the real meaning of that phrase? Oh sure, kids quoted it endlessly. That’s because they could use the word “damn” and not be punished. But the real meaning of that phrase has remained elusive. Until now, that is.

Forget those superficial interpretations you learned in school. The deeper meaning of the phrase has been there all along. And if people had only realized it and its importance to the modern world WS would be our new rock star. Our Ashton Kutcher. Immortalized in video games and really big movies. Taking his place in filmdom with Spiderman, the Dark Knight and other greats. Shakespeare would take on whole new relevance and add new meaning to our mundane lives. No more would WS be just some fancy dude, wearing questionable attire, writing unintelligible fancy words.

So I say: pay attention Miramax:

Listen up. Shakespeare and his Lady Macbeth have been speaking to all of us all along.

You see, Lady Macbeth suffered the same woes as our mothers, sisters, aunts, and so forth: A Carpet with Dirty, Filthy Spots. Out, Out damn spot. The phrase now takes on new meaning, new relevance to our lives. Even our children can relate. After all aren’t they the ones responsible for most of the Dirty, Filthy Spots on the Carpet?

Viewed this way, William S. And Lady M would no longer be remote figures from the past. No longer just scribblings on paper! Instead students would see them as ordinary folk like themselves, like their parents, and with the universal problem that all families suffer from: Dirty, Filthy Spots on the Carpet.

This is no doubt revolutionary thought but I beg you, not to treat it dismissively. I’ve deliberated on this phrase through the years and it is only now that I have finally come up with a solution..

The problem, dear reader, of Dirty, Filthy Spots on a Carpet has been laid out before you. (see above)

The solution to Dirty, Filthy Spots on a Carpet : The Spotbot by Bissel

It’s true if the Bissell Spotbot were around in the days of WS, he probably wouldn’t have written Macbeth as a tragedy. It would probably be done instead as a musical, starring the Meryl Streep of his day. But enough about William. There’s been too much written about him already.

And not enough about the Bissell Spotbot. You know, one of those cute machines described in advertising literature as “small and mighty”. So I won’t go there since I can’t improve on that phrase. I’ll just say it does a pretty good job of focusing on the stains. You fill it with water and the recommended amount of Their Bissell solution and just let it do its dirty work.

Result? It did seem to eliminate the carpet stains. But then I usually had to pull out my large Carpet steam cleaner (as i said in previous review I’m a steam junky. See: Shark Steam Mop Review) to eliminate the larger spot that the machine created.

So, like Mrs. Macbeth, I, at first, achieved great satisfaction in eliminating the Dirty, Filthy Spots on the Carpet. Or so I thought. Like Lady M, my happiness was shortlived. It took awhile before I began to notice them. I tried to avoid seeing them. Until I could no longer sidestep the obvious. The spots were back! Like the telltale beating heart (whoops, that’s Poe. I shouldn’t mix metaphors or writers). Like the spots on Mrs. Macbeth’s carpet. They had reappeared! Oh, Lady M, I so now know how you felt. I so empathize. And, to think, your son was so unreasonable! So uncaring! (okay, maybe that was Hamlet. Whatever.) Not that my saying that now gives you any solace. I don’t think even William S really understood the depth of your problem. So like a man! Nonetheless, no one ever said WS wasn’t one smart cookie!

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