At the age of 63, Paul McCartney
is getting a divorce from model activist (or is it model/activist) Heather Mills. I could make a joke about the Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, McCartney penned tune “When I’m 64”. I could say that Mills is SO not going to be loving Macca when he’s 64, I could do this but I don’t want to. (On a side note, I really hate the nickname Macca). What I want to talk about is landmines and the need, the absolute need for prenuptial agreements.
Paul McCartney is a billionaire. He’s not some Michael Jackson; I pissed my money away on amusement park mansions and child molestation legal fees, kind of faux-billionaire. He’s a full fledged; I’ve really got a billion in the bank, kind of billionaire. With this divorce, Mills is entitled to, at the very least, one fourth of McCartney’s estate. What the Christ balls, is McCartney nuts? Supposedly, this chick offered to sign a prenup and HE said no. I mean you spend a lifetime being idolized, writing the most famous songs of all time, earning a massive fortune and for what? So that some landmine obsessed floozy can come along and swoop up Ã?Â¼ of it, vulture-style. I’m not a mathematician but if you take Ã?Â¼ away from one billion would not a billionaire Macca make. Hell, Ringo might have more than him when this thing is all over.
Okay, so let’s talk about landmines. I hate them. I really hate landmines, they are a prehistoric weapon of war and they’re bad. Landmines.org.uk is Heather Mills’ official website. Of all the charity causes she hawks like gadgets on late night TV infomercials it is her baby, her landmines are bad-let’s get rid of them, baby. It might say more about me than anything else, but I have a problem with people who are too wrapped up in charity; when charity becomes someone’s job. I guess these people are called activists. I really have a problem with model/activists. Did Heather Mills wake up one day and I say to herself (presumably naked in front of a mirror), “shit, you know something? I’m not that pretty after all. Hmm, I guess I’ll just try and save the world.” I mean, who does this. I’ve have no problem with an organization trying to save lives by digging up landmines. If Jerry Lewis had an anti-landmine telethon, I would call up and give five bucks to that motherfucker. Landmines are totally bad; I’m not down with landmines. I am also not down, however, with models turned activists or model/activists (or model activists for that matter). These people, just by their pretentious title and subsequent definition of said title, can not be trusted. If you define yourself as a model/activist it gives off the impression that you are a black-hearted vulture woman who never even attempted to get a “real” job. People with poor work histories can’t be trusted.
So, poor Paul McCartney has his hands full. As Michael Moore once said, “what’s wrong with being half a billionaire?” Nothing I guess, but if anyone deserves to be a full fledged, castle dwelling billionaire, isn’t it Macca. But let’s look at the bright side here, if Paul McCartney has to learn how to live like Ringo Starr then maybe we should all try to live a little less frivolously. Maybe I should only get one double cheeseburger from the McDonald’s dollar menu instead of four. Maybe Ã?Â¼ is the new WHOLE thing. Maybe.