Recently, I was stunned to learn that South Dakota has decided that the U.S. Constitution is a quaint document that can be ignored, assuming you’re ignorant enough. But hey, South Dakota has apparently adopted the state motto, “If ignorance is bliss, welcome to heaven.” They’ve passed a law outlawing nearly all abortion. Never mind that the Supreme Court long ago ruled you can do no such damn thing. Apparently the rules are different in South Dakota.
Torturing people, even killing them while they’re in your custody, peeing on the Geneva Convention – all fine in S.D. Who cares that this makes things far worse for our troops (and yeah, as a matter of fact, I used to be one of our troops)? So what if it gives your enemies license to do torture our captured troops? So what if the enemy is going to fight far harder if he knows he faces torture at our hands if captured? Yeah, it’ll mean more casualties for us, but you have to remember, George Bush is a decent, God fearing man. Of course, having briefly worked as a Christian missionary, I just have to ask, “Who would Jesus torture?”
Spying on American citizens illegally, simply because you’re too damn arrogant to get a warrant? Yeah, that’s fine. Never mind that this creates an instant legal nightmare in actually prosecuting terrorists, it’s South Dakota, it’s all good, baby. Sure, it would be far more intelligent to actually be able to use the intelligence you gather, and no, nobody sane is going to oppose your gathering this same information as long as you just make it legal with a warrant. Okay, so it might be easier and smarter to just change the existing law, just to reassure us that the some future White House occupant isn’t tempted to use this power for political purposes (something the current administration would NEVER do, of course). Oh, hell, South Dakota says go to it.
Declaring a war to save the world from weapons of mass destruction that don’t actually exist? Cool in S.D. Linking Saddam with Sept. 11, when you damn well know it’s nonsense? Very cool in S.D. Being unable to even pronounce the word “nuclear?” Oh, hell yes, you duh man! Not finding – or even making a serious attempt at finding – the terrorist scum that is Osama Bin-Laden? South Dakota digs that about you, dude!
Having an abortion!?! No, you have to draw the line somewhere and really, isn’t that what the random uterus is for? Thank God for the great state of South Dakota, land of the (semi)free, home of the brave – assuming bravery can be defined as pushing women into having unwanted children the state will then not want on welfare. I say we should all move to South Dakota tomorrow!
And smack everybody who voted for this.