Ten Reasons Why You Should Not Buy Puma V.106 I FG Soccer Shoes, Grass Color

1. They look weird. Where other than a situation in which you are looking to camouflage your identity would these soccer shoes actually serve a purpose?

2. They are not even made from real grass clippings! How authentic is that?

3. They are not made from real leather, which means they are not going to conform to your feet. They are made from Schoeller ConTec, a material not of this Earth. Think of them as glorified bedroom slippers complete with carbon plates, ankle supports and molded studs. Oh yeah, and the afore-mentioned look of grass clippings! Have I already mentioned how ridiculous that is?

4. Can you imagine putting on a different color of socks other than green with these things? Do you honestly believe you could put on orange socks with these things? If you were in the woods you may be mistaken for a deer hunter and shot on sight! Also, you’d look like the Great Pumpkin! Call the fashion police now!

5. The lacing system that these shoes have is stupid! Duh, like we can’t actually SEE that the laces are on the side of the shoeâÂ?¦It’s called the LaceWrap System. C’mon! I can see the laces already!! Yet they try to hide it thinking they are fooling you, the consumer.

6. You could buy Puma Kings, which would not only save you money (about $50) but also serve your feet better, what with kangaroo leather and solid construction. (Don’t worry, folks, I didn’t accept any money before this was written.)

7. They cost as much as you would pay for a decent TV at Wal-Mart (approx. $175)

8. My kid won’t wear them and he is only five years old. (But don’t be fooled; the kid is a good soccer player and he knows what looks cool on his feet.) Sayeth the child after being shown the boots in a catalog: “Dad, those things suck!” Do I sense a running theme here?

9. All new boots cause blisters. It’s a known fact, and though I’m not discounting that other new soccer shoes cause sores on your feet the size of Texas (or at least a dot in Texas) I’m not discounting that Texas exists either. (Viva Mexico!)

10. The next thing you know, they’ll ask us to purchase Puma shoes in rain, snow, sleet, hail and mud, but only in Limited Edition and for as much or more money than $175.

Fun fact
The first time I saw them I felt like calling Puma and asking whose bright idea it was to design these shoes. Then I remembered my situation as a sportswriter and theirs as a giant shoe company with lots of employees who are bossed around by powerful people who in turn are governed by people who speak in disclaimers and wear expensive suits.

Disclaimer: The person writing this story may or may not be using a pen name.

Mine own two eyes

The Puma v.105 shoes look like fake grass clippings pasted on some fake leather uppers, because that’s what they are. No lie. They cost a small fortune, too.

They seem to be manufactured somewhere other than planet Earth, though they were probably made in a factory somewhere other than America.

They definitely won’t look good with orange socks and you may, in fact, perish having been dumb enough to wear these and orange socks near a wooded area where partially blind hunters lurk. This would include any soccer field near any forest, mountain or river.

My five-year-old son has better sense than to wear these overpriced things.

Though all of this may be true, there is a disclaimer at the end of this story that outlines in full my stance on the information in said story. You still don’t want to buy them, though.

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