The 2006 Elections: Everybody Hates Everything and Why Nothing Will Change

This article isn’t worth crap. If I were you, I wouldn’t read it. In fact, I wouldn’t read any articles by Jetlag Democracy…

I’m not really a poll person, though some of my readers might think otherwise (i.e., those who think I’m a pole smoker), but that’s a matter of semantics which I have no time for. I have no time because now I want to talk politics. Well, actually I want to not talk about politics through the kaleidoscope of nihilism.

Like I said before, I am not a poll person, but I am a cable news watcher and polls on cable news are like late inning rallies against the Royals bullpen. Though I don’t pay them too much attention, for various reasons that I’ll get into in a second, I can say without any trepidation that every single poll every conducted is a negatively useless one. Are you for the war? No the war sucks (31%). Are you for the President? No the President sucks (40%). Do you like cute little puppies? No cute little puppies suck (27%). The other option in the poll, the “good” one, is almost always an even smaller than the disapproval one and the “I don’t know” or undecided contingent is always right around 15-22%. Strangely enough, these polls also never seem to equal 100. Presumably because they have to account for some kind of probable error, but as far as I can tell the only probably error is their very existence.

These are without a doubt pessimistic times and I’d be naÃ?¯ve not to suggest that the “current state of affairs” (in general) isn’t having some kind of impact on the collective national psyche. But once, just once, I’d like to see some legit poll that actually makes sense and actually makes people think. What good does the fact that Bush’s approval ratings are lower than Impeachment era Nixon if the motherfucker’s still in office? And therein lies the flaw of these so-called polls. They’re retarded. They’re totally slanted, bogus creations that only subsist to further the agenda of so and so or what’s their name. They make me sick, because the sad, sickening fact is this: Despite the coming electionsâÂ?¦ nothing will change.

Bush and co. will say “9/11” and “terror” enough times that Middle America will assume we’re not safe and they’ll come out in droves to elect or re-elect the Republicans while the Democrats will cry about Bush until all their potential supporters get so sick of their whiney, do-nothing outlook that they won’t even show up on Election Day. And we’ll get some polls. Oh, we’ll get lots and lots of polls. Polls telling who’s leading what race and by how much and this will surely effect voter turnout and then, after the elections, when those polls are proven completely wrong some asshole newsman will be sitting with his thumb up his ass saying, “Hmmm, that was strange. We thought [INSERT NAME HERE] had a stronghold in that district. Hmmm, odd.” And some poor loser (not unlike me) will kick himself for not having voted until five minutes pass and he realizes that it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. And then we’ll all get drunk and piss in the streets while the powers that be laugh it up in the dark basements of control, our invisible provider of discontent.

Maybe that last part won’t happen, but you get the idea.

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