Top Five Reasons Why I Hate Sports

NFL. NASCAR. MLB. These are just a few of the terms that makes my heart race faster and gets my palms sweaty. No, not that I get excited about them. They often anger me and make me wonder if I’m the only person on earth that gets riled up – not because I’m angry a team lost – but because of these five, often ridiculous, things:

5. Many sports are directed towards men (of course, this isn’t always the case). But how many times have we all seen the curvy and vivacious women cheering the team on? I love how the camera will sweep to the cheerleaders for a full minute before commercials instead of showing the crowd. What about the commercials endorsing sports organizations? We see men with a beer and plenty of beautiful blondes cheering the team on. Does this happen in real life? No. Anytime I’ve ever watched live coverage of an event, I have noticed that most of the fans in the stadium are nothing worth staring atâÂ?¦

4. Most sports are boring until someone starts a fight or gets injured. Yes, you can sit and watch a NASCAR race for hours on end in a daze. But if you were coherent, would you really be able to sit through a whole entire race? The wrecks and angry remarks when someone is spun out are what make it exciting. The same with football. Up a yard, back a yard. Up a few more yardsâÂ?¦this can go on and on. Wow, a penalty was thrown (note the sarcasm here). Whoop dee dooâÂ?¦don’t even get me started on basketball.

3. Players are only interested in what affects them. NFL players only seem to be interested in other players’ ailing children. Do you think that they’d be interested in creating awareness of certain conditions if some of the players didn’t have children with these problems? NO. It wouldn’t even be an issue. You don’t see the players creating awareness for glaucoma or arthritis. Nope. What about breast cancer? NahâÂ?¦but wait until someone’s wife is stricken with itâÂ?¦

2. The players are so incredibly full of themselves. Okay, not all, but a lot. How many of these guys claim to be the reason the team is making the headlines? How many blame mistakes on others when it was clearly their fault? How many claim that they don’t make enough? Please! Where there is one good guy, there is always a better one. You’ll never be on top forever. C’mon. Or it’s always a pity me fest. We don’t want to hear you complain. You want to hear a complaint? Let me tell you how I can barely afford to drive to work or heat my home, and meanwhile you’re griping about how everyone won’t leave you alone (think Barry Bonds here).

1. The players make more money than God. Running up and down a field for millions of dollars. Swinging a stick at a ball for millions of dollars. Throwing a round ball into a round hoop for millions of dollars. Saving a child’s life by giving them a new heart – oh, well, that’s only worth thousands. Do you really think that most of these players love the game so much that they’d play for free? No way.

Okay, not all sports are bad. I guess I wish it was all just a game as much as everyone claims they are. It aggravates me that people will push their children into sports and expect the best from them. It angers me that husbands ignore wives to watch a grown sweaty man wrestle in his underwear with another grown sweaty man. It makes me want to scream when people will spend close to $100 to see a game that is more easily seen for free at home. I also firmly believe that beer and sports go hand in hand because without the beer, people wouldn’t be relaxed enough to sit through a whole game without wanting to scream of boredom.

But alas, sports will always be a part of modern life. Where there is one hater, there will be ten sports lovers. People love sports because of the energy, the stardom, the glory of winning. Sports are the one thing that we can rely on to remain virtually constant in that there are rules which must be followed. The players are the heroes that we may never be.

So, the best thing I can say about sports is this: Hand me a six pack! I’m ready to watch a game! Beer goggles to save the day!

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