Top Ten Ways to Endure a Summertime Rolling Black Out

Top 10 Ways to Endure a Summertime Rolling Blackout

Many see a rolling blackout as a catastrophe to modern life as we know it. But as long as you’re not stuck in an elevator or subway car you should savor this monumental event and enjoy it to the fullest. Use these tips; and the next time newscasters are speculating whether the Amish have taken up terrorism, you can relax and enjoy a spur of the moment Mardi Gras.

10. Get Alcohol.
Since most bars lose all refrigeration capabilities you can find drink specials better than any weekday happy hour. A savvy group of friends can talk a bartender down to $1 dollar pitchers. It may seem unfair to exploit at a time of darkness, but many will agree: A Keg is a terrible thing to waste. So, Drink Up! There’re sober kids in Indiana. And besides, a nice buzz will help you enjoy the upcoming activities.

9. Get Some Ice Cream.
Along the lines with the free beer, and since somehow Amber Rock and Cookies N’ Cream go strangely very well together hit up the local Ice Cream parlors for a free cone. The fact that you’re enjoying a nice treat on the sweltering days that these events usually occur on will take the stress levels down and help you enjoy the day a little more.

8 The Not So Mean Streets
Probably one of the best things about millions of people in the streets is the chance to meet members of the opposite sex, on a level playing field… (er, avenue) A little known fact is that there was a dramatic increase of children born nine months after the 1965 blackouts. That was 1965! There’s got to be at least a 400% increase, (240% Canadian), given today’s vast difference in acceptance to casual hookups. (Writer’s note: Please lower that number by using protection.)

7. Gamble
You can find it easy to gamble on many things you see occurring on the streets. Lay some green on this fun game. If you’ve seen the news you probably saw those reports focusing on “Heroic Civilian Traffic Cops” but in reality they are mostly weirdoes who are annoyingly bossy, have no idea how to actually direct traffic, and are starving for attention. So, go ahead and bet with your friends as to whether or not these so called “heroes” get run over by the very same traffic they’re badly directing. It pays double if the camera crew filming the”heroes” gets plowed over as well..

6. Be Impolite and Eaves Drop
Take notice to see how many worried mothers and wives are called. Although the government can drop a bomb on a dime in Iraq, people in front of you can’t make cell phone calls without screaming at the top of their lungs. See how many embarrassing facts you can attain from this eaves dropping. Then use it at will to entertain yourself throughout the walk. i.e. “I love you too pookie bear!” (Writers Note: Always be ready to blame someone else if it’s a big guy that turns around to see the culprit. Old ladies are the best scapegoats.)

5. Was that a boob or man boob?
When walking shoulder to shoulder in the darkness of a bridge lower level or tunnel you tend to feel squishy things bouncing off of your elbow. When you were a kid and you held your breath hoping a wish would come true when you drove into a tunnel, two things happened. Either you made it or gave up and took a breath. This game has two endings as well. Awkwardness or Excitement. ( If you’re still betting go Double or nothing if you’re in front of Victoria’s Secret model and a fat guy.)

4. Try Free Style Walking.
Hopefully an entry into the 2016 Blackout Olympics, this game requires speed, skill, stamina and boredom. See how many tricks you can do onto curbs, and highway dividers during the hike back to your place. Style points are given for Danger, Injury, and vicinity to police personnel during performance.

3. Act like a kid and play Whisper Down the Alley.
During this walk, it’s inevitable to have conversations with complete strangers discussing the latest news rumors. Have fun with this, take what you just heard and change the culprit. “Lightning hit the Niagara Power Plant” Now make your own story up. An oldie but goodie, is to blame Steve Guttenberg for all of your days problems. That’s right, Mahoney from Police Academy did something to the Niagara Power Plant and now there’s no power in two countries. See if it makes the news.

2. Go where everybody knows your name.
Hopefully, you’re close to home and the previous tips made your pedestrian commute more enjoyable. There’s only one definitive place to go on a night like this. Hit your local gin mill this time and tie one on. Unless you just got back from Africa, you’re probably not going to be able to sleep in 80 degree heat without a lot of help from discounted alcohol. Plus you can use the candle lit atmosphere of the bar to meet a special someone.

1. Star Gaze
If you have a roof that’s accessible, one of the best things to do would be to sleep out in the breeze of the night. The darkness of the city and brightness of the stars would lead to an easily romantic theme if you’re with that special someone you met at the bar. And even if you can’t point out Orion’s Belt from the North Star, you can always show people Uranus.

If you ever do experience a rolling black out in the middle of summer, try these tips. It might make your day go much better, you can get a little buzz, possibly make some money, meet someone new, and have a lot of fun.

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