Weird Health News: Kaboom! Hot Pants Lead to Hot Water!

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

It’s hard to avoid detection with your pants on fire. This discovery was made by Kenneth Ray Brooks when the crotch and seat of his pants burst into flames while he was walking down a crowded street in Orlando, Florida last week, according to The Orlando Sentinel.

You may want to suspend your high-fives, guys. Brooks’ smoldering slacks were not an indicator of a red-hot manhood. They were simply the “end” result of a badly botched bank robbery.

Brooks entered the Centura bank in Orlando and demanded cash from the tellers. It was clear from the start that bank robbery was probably not a profession that was well suited for Brooks. He boldly announced that he was “holding down the joint.”

Directional confusion continued to plague Brooks, as he then shoved a stack of bills into the waistband of his trousers. Apparently unsatisfied, he then pushed the booty way down “out of view,” according to witnesses.

Brooks then left the bank and walked down the busy street. He made it several blocks before a dye pack hidden in the stack of bills exploded, covering Brooks with red dye and setting his pants on fire. Talk about money burning a hole in your pocket!

His exploding crotch hampered his attempt to evade detection by the authorities. “Witnesses said they could see smoke coming out of his pants,” said police spokeswoman Sgt. Barbara Jones. The officers, noticing red dye on his hands and a decidedly uncomfortable look on his face, detained Brooks in the street to question him about the bank robbery.

Bank employees identified him as the grammatically challenged bank robber. Those identifications were substantiated by footage from the bank’s closed circuit security cameras.

After Brooks was questioned at police headquarters, he was observed walking very, very slowly to an ambulance, which transported him to a local hospital, where he received treatment for burns to his buttocks and nether regions.

It’s been a tough week for bank robbers, health wise. There is news out this week that a man was recently arrested for a bank robbery that occurred last March in Ashland, Oregon. Apparently tellers alerted police to the fact that that while holding up the Rogue Federal Credit Union, the bandit had a runny nose. Sure enough, DNA was found at the scene, in the form of a booger on the teller’s counter, an investigator told Oregon’s KOIN Channel 6 News.

This discovery has led to the arrest of 50-year-old Joseph “Randy” Seitzinger. How do you do your stretch with a nickname like the “Booger Bandit?” Not gracefully, I would imagine.

Still, that’s got to be easy compared to the nicknames awaiting Brooks and his smoking trousers. He faces a possible 30-year sentence if convicted of the bank robbery, and his hot pants are likely to be the source of an embarrassing time, regardless.

An exploding crotch will certainly do that for you.

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