Okay, I’ll readily admit that I purchased a class ring from an Art Carved representative who showed up at my law school six or seven years ago. But it was right before my Evidence final exam, and I was terribly drunk. I wore the ring for two weeks right after graduation, and it’s been sitting in my drawer ever since. Here are eight reasons not to buy an Art Carved (now also called “Balfour”) Class Ring.
1. They look silly. I’m sure people will have differing opinions on this, but I think the general consensus is pretty clear. They’re generally gaudy and they go with nothing. Not to mention, they’re pretty far from cool. I mean, can you picture your coolest movie heroes, like say Clint Eastwood or Jack Nicholson running around with a class ring? Probably not.
2. They’re fairly expensive, especially for someone just graduating from school. I purchased a 14K white gold ring with an onyx stone for $900. That’s cash I could’ve used to buy myself a good suit for court appearances, or even used as beer money. Okay, so your parents may be shelling out the dough for yours. Still, I can think of a thousand other things I would’ve wanted to be handed on graduation day.
3. Let’s face it, graduating from high school, college or even medical school just isn’t as big a deal as it once was. For instance, almost any idiot with the time and money to spend on education can graduate from law school. If you don’t believe me, I have over three hundred names and photographs to show you from my law school yearbook.
4. The school will provide you with a diploma. The money that you spend on that Art Carved Class Ring would be better spent on a beautiful wooden frame for that diploma. You’ll never be embarrassed by a diploma on the wall, and you’ll never tuck it away in a desk drawer. And besides, even after buying the frame, you’ll still have plenty of money do something meaningful – like taking a weekend trip to Cabo.
5. If you went to an Ivy League school, wearing your Art Carved Class Ring will seem pretentious. If you went elsewhere, you won’t be able to lie and say you went to an Ivy League school. It’s really a no-win situation.
6. No matter how important graduation seems just before it actually happens, it won’t mean as much to you two weeks later. That’s when the Art Carved Class Ring finds its home in your drawer. A thousand dollar purchase should last longer than two weeks, unless the money is spent on a good bender somewhere in Mexico.
7. School spirit is out. If you have any doubts, watch Saturday Night Live reruns and look for the Will Ferrell and Cheri O’Terri cheerleader skits, where they show off their Spartan spirit. Sure, go to homecoming. Root for the football team if you have nothing better to do on a Saturday afternoon. But you really don’t need a class ring.
8. Your fingers are going to get fatter. Sorry, but it will probably happen. Yes, Art Carved offers free sizing for life. But do you know why? Because they know that after two weeks that class ring is going into the drawer and never coming back out. In fact, Art Carved will even send you a replacement if you lose it. Because no one’s going to lose a ring that’s sitting in the drawer. And even if they do, they sure as hell won’t want another one.
While I do feel what I’ve written to be true, I’ve written this article to express my own personal feelings, make readers reconsider this fairly large and largely unnecessary purchase, and to be humorous. I am not at all discounting the importance of education. Please don’t be offended if you look down at your finger and find an Art Carved Class Ring. I’ll admit, they can have sentimental value for some. But if you don’t think that will hold true for you, please pass that Art Carved table right up…no matter how drunk you are.