Axel Rose Gets Slapped Around by Tommy Hilfiger

Axel Rose has been getting a lot more press recently. He recently told resident NYC fatso and VH1 Classic impresario Eddie Trunk that his vaunted and mythological album Chinese Democracy would definitely be hitting stores in the fall. He’s played some shows with the new Guns n’ Roses (just like the old Guns n’ Roses minus everyone except Axel) and he’s made some birthday party appearances.

So why is he letting Tommy Hilfiger kick his ass?

During a 27th birthday party for Rosario Dawson, Hilfiger assaulted Axel when he moved girlfriend Dee Ocieppo’s drink. I don’t know what the most shocking thing about this revelation was, so I have made a list of the most stupefying aspects:

1. Rosario Dawson, star of movies like 25th Hour and Sin City (and others I haven’t seen), knows both Hilfiger and Rose well enough to invite them to her birthday party: I never got anybody cool to come to my parties, but I guess the game is played differently when you are a celebrity. Still though, this seems like a weird pairing. Who else was there? Flavor Flav and Paris Hilton.

2. Tommy Hilfiger isn’t gay: I might be a stereotyping asshole, but I just figured every male clothing designer was gay.

3. Living in seclusion for years and years has turned Axel Rose into a pacifist: Rose once jumped from the stage into a crowd of thousands just to confront one belligerent fan, and now he’s letting clothing moguls slap him around over a cocktail. “I moved his girlfriend’s drink so it wouldn’t spill,” said Rose. “”I said, ‘I don’t want it to spill.’ And he said, ‘It’s not going to spill.’ And I said, ‘Well, I don’t want to sit on it.’ And he said, ‘You’re not going to blanking sit on itâÂ?¦He just kept smacking me.”

The image of Tommy Hilfiger slapping Axel Rose with a floppy, loosely hinged wrist has been burned into the back of my mental retina for all of eternity. To his credit, Rose actually played the whole thing off. He even performed an acoustic version of “You’re Crazy” later in the night, and dedicated it to Hilfiger!

This is perhaps the greatest news of all: Axel Rose has found his sense of humor and has come back from whatever planet he has been living on the past decade. I’m not sure what all this says about the mental health of Hilfiger, but I don’t really care. I don’t wear his clothes and I don’t give a shit about his business.

But does this mean that Axel is back? I hope so. I might be a total rock dork, but I cannot wait for Chinese Democracy to come out. His new guitarist is a guy named Buckethead. He can really shred.

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