Coffee Enemas: I Guess I’m Last to Know

Well, I learned something new today. The internet is an amazing thing isn’t it? You just never know where you might end up, or what you might find.

I was minding my own business, surfing the net doing research for a coffee article, when suddenly I was on a page full of enema links. There were links to enema stories, herbal enemas, make your own enemas, and more. I was at a loss as to how I had arrived there. And then I saw it; the connection that had transported me out of the land of decaf and fresh roasted beans: the coffee enema.

Maybe I’m the only person who didn’t know that people flush their bums with coffee. I knew about enemas; they’ve been around for a long time. The ancient civilizations of Sumeria, Greece, Babylonia, India, and China all practiced a form of this internal cleansing. In ancient Egypt, the Pharaoh had a special doctor for the sole purpose of anal maintenance. The American Indians created enemas out of an animal’s hollow leg bone and bladder.

The word means “to send or inject into” and comes from the Greek en-hienai. The primary purpose of the enema is to soften and remove hardened feces that may be sticking to the colon wall, an eviction notice of sorts. It was also used quite often to treat constipation before laxatives appeared on the scene.

The standard enema consists of between 1-4 pints of water being placed in a bag, and then sent to the bowel via a tube inserted in the colon. The liquid is usually held in for 5-10 minutes and then released. The process may be repeated.

Of course, as with all natural health care, there are variations on the standard. Many practitioners place herbal combinations in the water. I knew about that; it just never crossed my mind that coffee might fall into that category. Practitioners claim that coffee enemas detoxify the liver and the blood. Some even recommend it for certain cancers. There were links to recipes, but since I won’t need one, I clicked on by. I thought about grabbing one for this article, but since so many doctors consider it to be a dangerous idea, I decided against it.

I’ve never been a big fan of coffee to begin with (which is nearly a crime considering I come from the home of the world-famous Kona Coffee), but I’ll never look at it the same now. As for enemas in general, I just checked my calendar and to my delight I find I don’t have one scheduled for this century. Or the next one either.

The more I think about it, the more I should say that I learned two new things today; one about coffee and rear ends, and one about myself. I have always thought that I was the kind of person who’d try anything once, but now I know that is not true. I don’t care what anyone else is doing, but as for me, I’m going to have to pass on the crappuccino. Thanks anyway.

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