Eating the AIDS Monkey

The first known human to be infected with the HIV virus was a man from Kinshasa, in the African country of Congo. His blood had been stored in 1959 as a part of an unrelated medical study; this was decades before scientists knew that the AIDS virus existed.

Now, over forty years later, the scientific community has released a study that shed a ton of light on the mysterious origins of AIDS. Researchers believe that someone in rural Cameroon contracted the virus from eating an infected chimpanzee. Although this may seem strange, Chimpanzees were hunted and used for food in many rural parts of Africa. The study also concludes that the first infected people most likely traveled down waterways (small tributaries that bleed into the Congo River) in Congo and onto Kinshasa. Waterways were the most essential modes of transportation for those moving hardwood, ivory and many other items into urban areas.

So I guess the ignorant, blood red conservative faction of America can blame the 3rd world’s ignorance for another social problem that plagues this nation.

Hunting & Eating Chimps vs. Going to the Markey & Cooking a Steak: A Comparison

Hunting and eating chimpanzees may seem cruel and even a little bit disgusting to modernized Americans like me. But I’m not an ignorant dude. I actually think spear hunting a chimp would be quite the challenge and (dare I say) a lot of fun. The world’s two most intelligent species, going at in a fight to the finish; one with a spear, one with a bunch of trees and some killer monkey skills. I’m sure that some of the more inept hunters probably dropped a spear here or there and felt the wrath of the chimpanzee (an animal that is much, much stronger than us). So, in that regard, there is a dark side to the whole hunting chimps thing (and the AIDS thing, but until recently how the hell were we, err them, supposed to now that).

Going to the market and cooking a steak is not a walk in the park either. First of all, there is the whole parking space thing to worry about. Let’s say you’re a housewife driving a Hummer to the local grocery store and you’ve got you’re eyes set on the best spot in all of the lot (right next to the stupid handicap spots). And then, out of nowhere, there are two other housewives, one on your left in a Lincoln Navigator and one on your right in a Ford Expedition. What are you going to do?

Inevitably, a fight to the death is going to take place and the woman who does the most palates is going to win. All of a sudden, hunting and killing a chimpanzee in Africa doesn’t seem to bad, does it?

Conclusion: What Does This All Mean?

Nothing. All of this means nothing. There is no good reason to know where AIDS originated (from a social standpoint). Sure, for researchers and scientists, any information that might lead to a cure is totally cool and super useful. But I don’t need to know this and you don’t either. Its non-news; scientific information that will eventually get twisted around to fit the mold of a particular “news” channel or program. And we don’t need this.

When I heard the story that we most likely contracted AIDS from eating infected chimpanzees, I didn’t think, “oh, what an interesting development.” I thought, “oh, now all the ignorant pricks out there in conservative American are going to come up with a new fleet of spearchucker jokes.” I mean, what’s that going to solve.

Sometimes, this kind of news is better kept in the proper sects. I almost believe that some people (myself included) don’t deserve to be privy to these developments. The only AIDS related news I want to hear is, “we have found a cure.” That would be newsworthy.

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