Former Saved by the Bell Star Lark Voorhes Files Suit Against the National Enquirer

Lark Voorhes, far better known as the bratty rich kid Lisa Turtle on the historic television program Saved by the Bell, has recently filed suit against the National Enquirer for making inflammatory comments about a drug addiction that doesn’t exist (allegedly). If you never watched Saved by the Bell (and I can’t imagine why or how you would have missed it) you might now Lark Voorhes from a film career that, most notably, includes the Method Man Redman masterpiece How High. This was sort of a comeback role for Lark who, like the rest of her Saved by the Bell classmates, has had a hard time breaking the ironclad mold that so cruelly accompanied her tenure as Lisa Turtle.

I am not surprised by the allegations that Lark Voorhes was a cokehead or a drug addict or any kind. In fact, I was a little bit shocked that such allegations hadn’t been made earlier. Lisa Turtle was one of the second tier members of the Saved by the Bell cast. Now, you’re probably wondering, “how can there be multiple tiers among the characters of Saved by the Bell? That show was so stupid; aren’t all the characters from that stupid show on the same level?” The answer to that is no. There are actually four levels of celebrity among the Saved by the Bell cast. Let me break it down for you:

Mark Paul Gosselaar: Zack Morris, Tiffani Amber Theissen: Kelly Kapowski

These were the two main characters, even if some plotlines revolved around the other kids. To be part of the first tier, you had to have two major qualities: a three word stage name and really good looks.

Mario Lopez: AC Slater, Elizabeth Berkley: Jessie Spano, Lark Voorhes: Lisa Turtle
This is a tough level to be on; and these three “lesser characters” have really struggle. Elizabeth Berkley is probably the most well known because she was in Showgirls. Mario Lopez has been designated to crappy TV show hosting; the Hades of Hollywood.

Dustin Diamond: Screech, Dennis Haskins: Mr. Belding

The only thing that really qualifies you as a third tier guy is appearing on both the original Saved by the Bell and the horrendous Saved by the Bell: The New Class. Screech and Mr. Belding were the only ones to do this.

All the other supporting characters (not including the Malibu Sands episodes)

These characters include Ox/Skud, Mr. Tuttle and Mr. Dewey. It is pretty self explanatory why they are on the bottom tier.

Actually, I could go on all day about the Lisa Turtle, Saved by the Bell and the subsequent drug habits of all the characters; and one day, I think I will. For now, I just want to offer some advice for Lark Voorhes. You said when you filed the suit against the National Enquirer that it cost you multiple acting opportunities. If this is true, don’t you think it’s time to file suit against the producers and creators of Saved by the Bell. Aren’t they more responsible for your lack of work than any drug you may or may not have taken?

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