Handling Pressure when You’re Saving Yourself for Marriage

In today’s progressive “anything goes” culture, it may seem strange that some women still hold to traditional values when looking for a relationship. I myself was surprised when friends automatically assumed a date I went on ended in bed. The question begs to be asked, “Can women really stay true to their values in this day and age?”

The answer, perhaps surprisingly, is yes.

Many women these days are taking a stand against the pressure to conform and choosing to wait until they’re married to have sex, but they’re not sure how to handle temptation without the fear of rejection by friends or potential soulmate. My advice: be firm on your resolution. That doesn’t mean you have to beat it over your boyfriend’s head or be arrogant with your friends. Just make sure they understand and respect your wishes; a friend (or boyfriend) who doesn’t respect your decision isn’t really a friend.

What about sex ed in school? Many public (and some private) schools are now making sex ed classes mandatory, or at least strongly recommended. Girls get caught in the crossfire – being told pre-marital sex is permissible by adults they trust. Rather than going with the flow, look at it as an opportunity to express your individuality and freedom to choose abstinence. If your school has made sex ed mandatory, ask for an alternative activity and explain your reasons respectfully to your teacher. If you end up being forced to take the course, do so with the knowledge that you’re not required to adopt the attitude towards sex that the class teaches.

Are you thinking of breaking your commitment because your boyfriend is pressuring you? As I said earlier, he’s not a true friend if he doesn’t respect your feelings. You may be afraid of losing him, but the guilt that comes with giving up your values to please someone else will be far worse. Tell him firmly to back off; if he refuses, it’s time to find someone who will love you for who you are, not what you’ll give him.

One final note is that you’re not alone in your decision, even if you sometimes feel like it. The truth is, thousands of young women have made the same commitment you have, and nearly all of them have met the same resistance you have. One organization is dedicated to aiding these girls in keeping their promise: True Love Waits has a Commitment Form for women to sign and display, and a network of peers to support you. Above all, know that your decision to wait until marriage is an admirable one, and something not to be ashamed of, but celebrated.

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