Nacho Cheese Chalupa’s from Taco Bell: One More Reason Why I Will Always Be Fat

I have several addictions. One of my worst addictions is to Taco Bell’s Chalupa’s, and more specifically the most unhealthy Chalupa of them all: the Nacho Cheese Chalupa.

Unless you’ve been living in an underground cavern or you just care about your health and/or body image, then you’ve heard of and probably tasted a Taco Bell Chalupa (the finest fast food product on the market in terms of pure, unadulterated taste). My favorite of the Chalupa products is the fine Nacho Cheese variety. You used to be able to buy this kind of Chalupa for 99 cents, but I think they retail at about $1.19 these days. I’ll gladly pay the extra 20 cents, but it’s still little upsetting seeing as how double cheeseburger at McDonald’s are still just a buck. As disgusting as Taco Bell’s food is, they are still a bit pricey. But I guess that’s the price we pay for getting quality slop shipped up from south of the border.

The Chalupa is not unlike a simple taco. It’s filled with chicken, steak or beef (ground beef is the cheapest and best way to go; some would say the only way) and it comes in a shell. And there’s the difference: the shell. The shell is simply delicious. I’m not a culinary expert, so I can’t say this for sure, but it seems like the Chalupa shell is deep fried before it’s filled with all the juicy goodies which Taco Bell so graciously bestows into middle of flaky, yum-yum, breaded container that is the Chalupa shell. It’s a bit crunchy but not as flimsy and breakable as a hard taco shell. It’s extremely easy to eat as well. Whereas some Taco Bell menu items are almost uneatable because of the mess, the Chalupa is easy to handle, making your Taco Bell dining experience even more enjoyable.

The nacho cheese is tremendous as well. I’m not sure what brand Taco Bell uses but it tastes exactly like the Cheese Whiz that they put on classic cheese steak sandwiches in Philadelphia. Why fuck around with some natural, grated crap when you can pour on a processed cheese sauce. Kudos to the people at The Bell (street slang for Taco Bell) for taking it the extra mile.

Okay, now the downside. And I’ll make this quick because reading about diarrhea is not exactly the coolest thing in the world. You pay a price when you go to Taco Bell and that price is your stomach. For as The Bell’s food is, it tears your stomach apart. If you’re going to get some Nacho Cheese Chalupa’s, make sure that you stay away from public restrooms for the next 12-24 hours. I’m talking serious splatter-poo.

Hungry now? I am.

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