Random Musings: Some thoughts on past, present and future

So here I am back at square one. It’s just amazing how easy it is to fall back into the same old thing and almost totally loose track of all the things that have happened in the last 2 and a half months. What evidently kicked it all off was that, in May I finally finished school; and not just for summer, but for the rest of my life! While it doesn’t feel that strange emotionally or psychologically, it is a bit odd to not have any real plans for the next so called “semester.” I guess I’ve always taken it for granted that school started in the fall, and I was going to be there. But, what should I expect, I mean, I’ve been doing the same routine since I was 5 years old. As many times as I have been warned, doing something besides that has just not really occurred to me. Until nowâÂ?¦ The fact of the matter is I really don’t have any idea what I want to do. One thing I’m pretty sure about though is that I need to get out of Orlando or find something here worth staying for. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my time here and have had fun especially over the last year or so, but I need a change.

Once again, I can see just how fast time flies when I look at the fact that I have been in this city for four years and haven’t made any attachments that would weigh heavy on my mind to leave if I up and left tomorrow. So, what’s keeping me here then? I don’t know. I don’t really have many other stronger attachments elsewhere, and I am comfortable here. Additionally, I have a great place to live and I really haven’t had to be here that much in the last few months anyway. But, I still can’t see myself living here, and that I think is what makes it hard for me to settle in any more comfortably than I already have. One of the many interesting things about travel that I have come, I guess to, “re-realize” is that once your trip is over, it’s goneâÂ?¦ Yeah, I know it’s profound. I don’t mean that you totally forget all that you did or experienced, but all of a sudden you are once again dropped back into the real world, and that world you were just in has in a sense, disappeared. Sure you made some friends, sure the guy on the corner is still begging for money, and that puma is still in the cage at the shelter, but now these things are not even close to a part of your life, and when you tell someone else about it they just either pretend to appreciate the story cause they somewhat enjoy your company or can relate because of an experience they have had; or they are just putting up with you because they don’t want to be rude.

But, maybe this is just my thoughts now because I don’t really have any thing else to do besides travel and coming back to where I was before requires me thinking about the future which once again, makes me uncertain, and confused. But, that’s just what going through my head right now because it is the situation I am facing at the moment, and there really isn’t anything distracting enough for me to avoid it. This wasn’t the case at all over the last three months and totally explains why I’m writing this now and only have given writing something like this a partial thought over the last summer. Not that this is a chore or an obligation, but I would much rather have something else to do than recollect and complain about how I need to figure out what I need to do with my life.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

− one = 1