Revenge of the Sith: The Skinny

In life, movies are eternal. They make you laugh, make you cry, or sometimes change your life.

WIthout a doubt, Star Wars has changed the way that we look at movies, even inspiring a church in England based on the Jedi principles.

So in a few weeks, the epic saga will finish with Revenge of the Sith. And if you like spoiling the movie for the rest of your friends, Read on.
Here’s the answers to those burning questions:

Why the hell does Anakin turn to the Dark Side?

Fear and Love. Anakin’s already lost his mother because he couldn’t stop her from dying. Even though he’s got more midiclorians than any Jedi ever, he doesn’t know how to stop death. Once he has a vision of Padme dying, he seeks the knowledge to stop her from fate. He fears losing the love of his life.

Now, a phiisophical differece between Jedi and Sith. Jedi allow the will of the universe to flow, including death. Sith manipulate the course of the universe, picking and chossing what should happen. As death is not something a Jedi will stop, Anakin will turn to someone who can help him–Darth Sidious aka Chancellor Palpatine.

Also, the knowledge of this is located in the Jedi temple, in the holocrons of both the Jedi and Sith. However, you have to be a Jedi Master to access them. This is why Anakin gets royally pissed for being denied the title.

Damn that Sidious guy! Does he actually fight in the film?

A giant YES and that’s going to be an interesting fight, as we finally see why the Jedi get worried about one Sith Lord.
He wields a classic Sith saber and enough force powers to wipe out continents. If you’ve seen the trailer, you know that four of the best Jedi ever walk into his office. They don’t walk out.

How on Musafar does Obi-wan beat Anakin?

Well, let’s compare the two. Obi-wan is older, more expeirenced and is the most tenacious, cunning Jedi to wield a saber. Anakin is bigger, faster, stronger, boiling over with Force and is the most powerful Jedi in existence. He knows it.

And that pride is his downfall. Anakin gets emotional, and Obi-wan doesn’t. He waits for the moment to bring your existence to an end. It’s a matter of time.

(Also, for those who know lightsaber technique (read: geeks), Anakin’s style four, while Obi-wan is the master of Soresu–which is merely defensive until the time presents itself. That why Vader gets cut down.)

Do any Jedi live?

Nope. There’s two Jedi and two Sith at the end. Balance to the Force.

How many lightsaber duels are there?

Let’s count: Anakin vs. Obi-wan, Palpatine vs. Yoda, Palpatine vs. four Jedi Masters, Mace vs. Palpatine, Obi-wan vs. Grievous, Anakin and Obi-wan vs. Count Dooku. That’s it.

So…can you explain to me what the hell happened over the first two prequels? Please?

Yes, because you asked nicely. So let’s take this from the top…
This is really about Darth Sidious’ plan for galactic domination.

There is a prophecy that says the Chosen One will bring balance to the Force.

The last Jedi-Sith war ended 1000 years ago with the death of Darth Bane. For 1000 Years, there have only been two Sith and countless Jedi. So, to make up for all that light, Anakin Skywalker is born into existence, packed with midi-clorians. He is the Chosen One–for the Sith.

So, the last Dark Lord of the Sith, Darth Sidious, orchestrates an invasion of Naboo for two reasons: to become Supreme Chancellor of the Republic and so Anakin can meet Queen Padme Amidala. Added benefits include his apprentice, Darth Maul killing the only Jedi who could’ve steered Anakin away from the Dark side (Qui-gon Jinn) and the Jedi bring Anakin into the Order to be trained and unknowingly put him under the influence of the most powerful Sith Lord in the universe. That’s Episode 1.

Now that Sidious is the Chancellor, he orders the secret creation of a clone army, lures a powerful former Jedi Master into becoming the latest Sith lord, Darth Tyrannus aka Count Dooku. He’s able to muster thousands of galaxies to rebel against the Republic and cause the darkness to cloud the Force. Using this turmoil, Sidious gains the power of a dictator and orders the Jedi into battle. Now, the Jedi are scattered, weakened, dying, and the Chosen One breaks a vital part of the Jedi code–attachment; by marrying Padme (Sidious is a former Senator of Naboo, he knows about the marriage when it happens). As an added benefit, Sidious obtain plans for the Death Star. That’s Episode 2.

As the Clone Wars rage to a conclusion, Sidious initiates the last part of his plan. Dooku will die to Anakin as the first of his many victims, opening him to becoming the new apprentice. The Jedi are still confused and dying, while the Chosen One has a terrifying vision that pushes him into Sidious’ hands. Knowing Anakin will reveal his secret, he records the first part of him being surprised, then cuts it off and kills them. The Jedi are now declared enemies of the Republic for a vicious assassination and the newly-christianed Darth Vader goes to the temple to wipe them out. The Empire is formed for this new edict, with no aliens in any of th ranks. After all, the heads of the Seperatists were all alien. They can’t be trusted, or so you’ll tell people. And if you’re Sidious, you know Darth Vader is powerful beyond comprehension, and he’ll eventually try to kill you. So, you have him go to a hazard-filled planet and lose to his former master. You have the power to sustain life, and use it on him, not his wife. Doing this ensures his loyalty…because he’s been significantly depowered and you’re his only friend.

You can wait until his son reveals himself to turn him.

This is the tragedy of Darth Vader and the genius of George Lucas. No one sees it coming until the train hits.

How does Chewbacca fit in?

Yoda protects the Wookie homeworld, Kashyyk, as part of a plan to lure Darth Sidious out of hiding. When Order 66 is given, that big ole’ Wookie helps Yoda escape.

Um, what’s Order 66?

Order 66 is an order programmed into every clone. When given, it instructs the clones to kill any and all Jedi from that point forward.

Who ordered the clone army that started this mess?

Jedi Master Sifo-dias. Since he’s dead, safe bet is Darth Sidious.

Why doesn’t Obi-wan remember R2-D2 or C-3PO? And vice versa?

Here’s where it gets tricky. C-3PO has his mind wiped, so that takes care of him. R2 and Obi-wan probably remember each other and don’t say anything. Obi-wan especially, being wary of the mistakes he made last time. Note how in A New Hope (IV) that he had no problem in turning that distress message on.

And that should do it. Enjoy Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith!
I have to go wait in line…

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