Remember the slogan, “Dude you’re getting a DELL”? Well I was one of those dudes who fell for it.
After being a happy Compaq Presidio user for several years I decided to upgrade. Besides, without a middle man, DELL can offer some awesome deals. Right? Now, I know why. If you don’t have anything against outsourcing,
you will if you buy a DELL. You’re going to be spending a lot of time talking with people in Bangalore, India. And, they are not in a hurry.
1.The first clue was when I took my new polished silver and Venetian blue laptop to an important client meeting. As soon as I turned in on everyone began staring at me. At first I thought they were impressed, until someone asked if I would mind turning it off. (I have high frequency nerve deafness from service in the Marine Corps and cannot hear high decibel sounds. To my horror, the client explained that my new Dell was emitting a constant high-pitched screech that was brain numbing. Embarrassed, I slipped it back into its handsome carrying case.
2.What the hell, I thought, I’ll work on it at home, and I can’t hear the screech until my wife said that either I dump the DELL or she would move out. Fortunately, my laptop was still “under contract.”
3.Unfortunately, with a DELL you can’t just go in to any computer repair shop. All service MUST be performed online or via telephone with technicians in Bangalore, India or Manila in the Philippines. Often you may be switches back and forth between countries, depending upon make a model number.
4.Beginning with a politely unctuous Wahid, I was transferred to seven different departments before we could find someone specifically tasked to solve my problem. Each technician was very polite as he carefully took down my name, address, computer tag, service number and telephone; each time repeating my complaint and waiting for him to write all this down in his report.
5.Finally, after trying to listen to the screech over the phone, someone named assigned me a case number. He determined it was the cooling fan and ordered a replacement part. I was informed that a technician in my home town would contact me to install it.
6.Before the subcontractor repair man could arrive with the fan, my new Dell failed to connect with the internet. It had worked perfectly for several weeks. Now, it failed to connect. After seven or eight hours with various other online technicians and a trip to my own repair guy, it was decided that the internet facing was burned out or defective. During this entire time DELL said that it was the internet provider’s problem. It wasn’t.
7.The technician arrived with the replacement fan but he warned me that it was a recycled part and might not be exactly the same size. He quickly replaced the fan, dropping several screws on the floor but refused to diagnose the burned out internet card. That would require a separate claim, starting with India.
8.The next two day were spent on the phone to India being transferred more than 32 times. Each time the person on the other end asked me to repeating the same information, over and over. Finally I threatened that if the technician transferred me one more time I would have him fired. I was quickly given a case number to have a technician come to my home and replace the internet facing or whatever.
9.The same dullard showed up with the replacement part. He refused to talk with me or give me eye contact. I asked him to do a quick diagnosis. He refused.
10.Two days later the AD adapter burned out. I diagnosed this problem myself.
I won’t bore you with the five additional reasons not to buy a DELL, other than I heard that some of them get so hot that they explode. Never mind calling 911, talk to Vishnu in Bangalore but only if your DELL is still “under contract.”
(apx. 691 words)