Liberals and Gays and Witches, Oh My!

OFFICIAL NEWS BULLETIN of the
“Ever’Body in the World’s Evil ‘Cept Us and It Says So In the Bible, Near the Back” Society

Rev. Dr. Enos Penvy, ThD, PhD, Self-Appointed G_D. Founder and CEO
Tupelo, MS

WELCOME

Our organization is open to all Christians. And by “Christians,” we mean English-speaking American, pro-Bush, pro-war, anti-gay, men and women (provided they know and stay in their place) who want to spread the love of our God through threats, intimidation, harassment, paranoid conspiracy theories and rumor-mongering.

SCHOOL TEACHES ANTI-CHRISTIAN VERSION OF U.S. HISTORY

A school board in Chicago recently approved of a history curriculum that DOES NOT teach that the King James Version of the Bible accompanied Columbus to the New World. It also DOES NOT teach about Columbus’ efforts to stop the Indians from giving themselves smallpox! It also makes NO MENTION of how the Indians begged to be taken back to Spain as slaves. This is just another example of how liberal ideas are threatening our religious freedom and trying to undermine our public schools’ mission to educate young Christians in the ways of God.

PRO-GAY FOOTBALL COACH HIRED

A school board in Atlanta recently hired a high school football coach from Boston, who DID NOT participate in the gun and hatchet attack on a New Bedford gay bar in February. He claims that he was doing charity work and thinks that such actions are morally wrong. IS THIS THE KIND OF MAN YOU WANT IN THE LOCKER ROOM WITH YOUR TEENAGE BOYS????

HARRY POTTER LINKED TO CANCER

Doris Doublentendre of Salem, GA was diagnosed with lung cancer not two years after watching the first ‘Harry Potter’ film. Doris, a forty year chain-smoker and resident of the Asbestos Hills Community recently had to quit her job at the coal mine because of her illness. An illness, she believes, was brought on by watching ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’ two years ago. HOW LONG CAN WE LET THIS DANGER TO OUR CHILDREN GO UNCHECKED??

DARWINIST AGENDA PREVALENT AT SCIENCE CONVENTION

Researchers at the Johns Hopkins Medical School recently presented results of an experimental flu vaccine designed to combat “newly-mutated” strand that have EVOLVED to be resistant to present vaccines. HERESY! Viruses do not EVOLVE! They were all created in their present form by God 6000 years ago! The fact that one of the researchers was a WOMAN can only mean that Johns Hopkins has ABANDONED the God-ordained practice of medicine and started meddling in WITCHCRAFT!

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