The Top Five Reasons Why You Should Buy a Hummer

Previously I wrote an article dealing about the top five reasons not to buy a Hummer. I figured that it would be rather unfair to not look at the other side of the argument and see exactly why people actually by the vehicle. Here’s my attempt to come up with five reasons why people should buy a Hummer.

1. Gangsta Rappers Like It
If you’re a fan of gangsta rap, than you probably know that the Hummer is considered an icon for high status. Although I don’t think this is the main reason why Hummers sell as well as they do, I suppose a few owners who listen to gangsta rap bought the vehicle because they recognized the Hummer as something that would increase their status in society. Two examples of songs that show Hummers in a positive light include:

“Thoia Thoing” by R. Kelly (although I hardly would describe him as gangsta rap)
Now we’re up in the Hummer V
she’s so hot, she’s kissing on me

“Thug Motivation 101” by Young Jeezy
Took what the streets gave me, product in my environment (ay)
Now it’s 28 inches on the brand new Hummer (Hummer)

Clearly some fans must be touched by these lyrics and decide they should get a Hummer as well.

2. Hummers Will Restore Your Manhood
According to a Hummer advertisement, you are able to “restore your manhood” if you purchase a Hummer. Although the ad was later revised to say “restore the balance” instead, they wouldn’t have said “restore your manhood” first unless they meant it. Perhaps you’re feeling weak or are not self-confident? Well, apparently if you buy a Hummer you’ll become all better.

3. You Can Piss Other People Off
It’s very well known that many people are against the Hummer for various reasons. Either way, if you’re the kind of person that loves to make other people’s blood boil, why don’t you pick up a Hummer. Surely the price of an H3, approximately $30,000, is worth the price of making others hate you. While other Americans hate you for it, you’ll be too busy laughing at them to notice.

4. Get Rid of Oil Faster
So these days everybody’s looking for alternative fuel. While some are getting angry at Hummer owners for their gas-guzzling vehicles, perhaps they should be praising them for actually doing something that possibly benefits society. As Hummers continue to use up the Earth’s resources, people will be forced to jump to new and improved alternative fuels sooner.

5. The Hummer Is Known to Be Loud
While some may dislike the fact that it’s loud, it can actually be an advantage when driving. For example, if the guy in his sissy little car next to you is listening to music loudly, you might not even notice it due to the noise the Hummer makes. Of course you would barely be able to hear the music you’re playing, but you must remember that you’re going to be too busy laughing at everybody else to even notice.

Everybody you should buy the best vehicle available to civilians. Gangsta rappers will like you and your manhood will finally be restored. Other people will hate you, but you’ll be improving society by getting rid of oil faster. You’ll never have to worry about outside noises such as a baby crying, loud music, or a police car’s sirens. So what are you waiting for? Go buy a Hummer today!

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