How to Be Assertive Without Being Aggressive

An appropriate amount of assertiveness is always needed to maintain your self respect and get due rights. It is needed at home and work alike to live a balanced life. Many people are afraid of being assertive because they do not want to give off the impression of being aggressive.

It is totally possible. Both of them can be separated. You can take the negativity out of being assertive by following simple tips. However it does not happen overnight. Start with small stuff and then apply the tactics at larger forums. In time you will learn to defend your points without annoying others and be known as a person of determination and sense.


  • 1

    Prepare Well:

    Prepare yourself well for an upcoming situation. Pose questions about expected situations for yourself in your mind and decide how you will combat them. Formulate your logic and argument. Once you have solid points in your favor and the confidence that you can handle things, you will be in control and treat the other party well.

  • 2

    Learn Assertion Skills:

    Maintaining direct eye contact is one of the basic tools of conveying that you are confident and sure about what you want. Keep an upright posture to show your determination.Your facial expressions and tone of voice should correspond with your words.

  • 3

    Turn Down Inconvenient Requests Nicely:

    If someone asks for a favor that is absurd or is difficult for you, turn it down nicely by giving him an explanation of why you think you wont be able to help. This will let him know the person that you are and prevent any future misunderstandings and requests. Learn to say NO without being rude or offending people.

  • 4

    Learn from Others:

    Look out for people who are assertive yet very polite. It maybe your boss, any one at work and family who knows how to convince people and prove his point without gaining their dislike. Decide what you want people to think about you. Either people could agree to your wants because they are afraid of your temper or they will follow you because they agree with the arguments that you have presented.

  • 5

    Mutual Respect:

    If you put firm belief in giving respect to every other human under the sun, the aggressiveness will disappear itself. You will realize that two men could discuss and resolve issues without shouting at each other. Even if they do not agree, they do not become arch rivals but leave a room for negotiation. With aggressiveness comes the urge to show your superiority. In mutual respect, every one is treated equal with no need to show anger. Let others express their concerns and objections. When you address their queries and satisfy them, your assertiveness will be brought into practice.

  • 6

    Do NOT Get Angry:

    Postpone the meeting if you get the anger alert from your nerves. There is no use of proceeding with the meeting because an angry person fails to appear understanding and logical. If you are angry, you will obviously be aggressive during the discussion and might even ruin the chances of any settlement.

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